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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

There really IS a conspiracy!

First there was the pool sweep.


But then all was quiet and I was lulled into complacency. I went about my life secure in feeling that the conspiracy had been shut down. And then the cake happened. What cake, you ask. Didn't we do this post yesterday?!

It's the Hannah Montana cake. But there's more.

What I didn't mention yesterday is that making the stupid-good-for-nothing-spawn-of-the-devil-cake nearly pushed me over the edge. That cake was big. Much bigger than it looked on the blog. It was actually five different cakes all cobbled together. At 11:00 the night before the party I had finished baking, made the frosting, completed half the decorating, and I was tired. I put the cake aside certain the worst was behind me. I planned to leave the "fun" stuff for the morning so the kids could stand around oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over the brilliance that is their mommy. That's how it was supposed to work .
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I woke up the next morning and casually began work on the cake. Here's what actually happened:
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The angry wood elves who reside in my home must have gotten into the frosting. It was like half-set cement. I tried to work it and within 5 minutes my hands were shaking so hard I literally couldn't do any more. I know the rest of me isn't in the best shape but my hands?! Give me a freakin' break. I made MORE FROSTING to replace the stuff the elves had messed with.
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I assembled the backstage with the new frosting. I can't say I was surprised when I saw it starting to lean.
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Did I mention we were t-4 hours to party time, it was raining hard enough that I was seriously contemplating the merits of building an ark, and the party was supposed to be an outdoor scavenger hunt on GOLF CARTS?! I was starting to freak out worry.
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When the kids came in shrieking that the cake was falling on top of Hannah Montana my stress level might have inched up a notch.
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The good news is that the cake didn't completely fall, the party was moved indoors, and all was right with the world. The better news is that there was a TON of leftover cake. My cake may look like a wreck but it tastes like heaven.
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I carefully wrapped the leftover cake in cellophane, set it on a wooden cutting board, and placed it in the oven. I had enough leftover cake for a week and I intended to enjoy it. In the world according to me, placing baked goods in the oven adds an extra layer of airtight security against dryness.
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Yesterday I was in a hurry. The kids are home from school and there's homework and gymnastics and someone forgot about a paper that's due Friday. I was like a multi-tasking machine. I was doing math problems, checking email, preheating the oven, and debating reasearch strategy. I was a force of nature and I ignored that funny smell for a minute...

The oven hit 400 degrees before I realized the precious, wonderful cake, the cake for which I skipped lunch so that I might have an extra large slice after dinner, the CAKE was still in the OVEN.

If you look really hard you can see the tiny wisps of smoke. The melted buttercream. The cellophane that has become one with the cake.

The cake is clearly the third arm of the conspiracy.

It's out there, people.

Be safe.

This is the end of the Hannah Montana cake stories. I promise.

35 comments:

K said...

I have a 2 year old birthday coming up soon.

Frankly, I'm a little bit scared.

Tsquared417 said...

I really think it is a conspiracy...falling in the pool...getting tangled in detangling spray...and now this? You need a day off, sista!

Megryansmom said...

Could you still eat the middle? It's such a shame to waste cake.

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Becca said...

This is too funny. I am glad that the cake at least tasted good!

Becca

Please visit me at http://www.askbecca.com

Gibby said...

Oh dear! Ah a little melted cellophane never hurt anyone. Carcinogens? Nah.

I personally am paranoid of our oven because our fire alarm is linked directly to the fire dept. They've been here twice for some burnt chicken. Sort of embarrassing.

Donnetta said...

Personally, I think Hannah Montana could be the devil. She reels in the wee ones and then does a smack down on the Mommies. I'm just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

You really have turned into your MOM. Hi to Gibby.

Meg said...

Melted plastic wrap provides extra fiber, right?

ymk said...

oh no!! all that yumminess gone to waste? I hate when that happens.
You are one super mom though!

Jamie said...

Oh my. I'm not sure if i am more shocked that you went to all that work making a cake of Satan's spawn herself...

or that you forgot it in the oven!!

Haha...that's hilarious, really. I hope it's okay to laugh about...have we given it enough time!? :)

sunnymom said...

You know I gave up trying to make cakes for Tooters years ago all I can say is thank goodness for City Market bakery for me.

Cassie said...

That so stinks. Hope you have a Happy St Patricks day anyway. :-D

Ink said...

But don't they say that bad luck comes in threes? So you're done for awhile, yay!

And you get starryfied for making that amazing cake. Kudos!

Kristina P. said...

Hey, all that matters is that it tastes good, right?

LadyFi said...

Oh Hilarious! But so sorry to hear that you had to throw away all that delicious Hannah Montana cake...

Susie said...

Oh no!! I hate it when a cake plan falls apart! Chin up:-)

forever folding laundry said...

Argh!! Not the cake, anything but the cake!! This actually proves my theory that Hannah Montana herself is evil.

And, how crazy that we were practically neighbors! I'm just over the bridge from your old place! Too bad we never met for coffee....

~Keri

resplendentlife said...

It's the oven. It's all dark and not see through. How are we supposed to remember that we leave stuff in it?

dana said...

I was so stoked, reading your advice on using the oven as a place to put that leftover cake! And then.....sometimes it's best to just wipe the dust off and walk away.

Besides, you can always whip up another one in a jiffy! heh heh

Actually, since it involves CAKE, I think it IS the height of insults for you, the creator.

ck said...

Sooooo...what would happen if one were to peel off the plastic and the outside layers of the cake? Would there be anything safe left in the very middle to eat?

Just asking...

Gibby said...

Hi Anonymous Mom! I hope Kathy B! shared some of that cake with you.

blueviolet said...

I'd carve out the middle goodness and dig in! But I'm still puzzling over the fact that your oven also serves as a part time cake saver.

tlc said...

Believe it or not, this story kinda takes me back to my childhood. My parents never had a dishwasher, so my mom would hide dirty dishes in the oven when she didn't have time to wash them....

see where this is going? I can just smell the melted tupperware now...

p.s. I have an unbelieveable craving for buttercream now.

Nana said...

Pull yourself up by your boot straps woman and start figuring out how to make my Marzipan cake.

I did that w/ rolls that I had put in the warm oven to rise. Then I turned to oven to 350 and forgot the rolls were in there. Ironic because I turned the oven on to bake said rolls. Duh!!!

I hate when stuff like that happens.

I say go buy a cake and eat the whole thing.

faemom said...

(I've got so many intors I don't know where to start!)

Elves are brownies; brownies are elves. They live to mess with us.

This maybe a stupid comment . . . but my mom used dowels to hold up wedding cakes.

"Yesterday I was in a hurry" And I started saying "God, no. God, no. Not the cake!"

As for melted celophane, cancer cake anyone?
I'll send you some of my chocolate chip cupcakes because I made too many.

The Blonde Duck said...

I'll send you my lint gremlins. They're much nicer. And they enjoy socks!

Daisigirl said...

Really...what harm could a little melted plastic wrap do? :0)

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Oh, my friend. I am just getting caught up on your recent posts and seriously laughing through my tears.

This is why girls like us do not bake. Surely they must have outstanding bakers that you could add to your speed-dial for the future?

Contract the work out.

-Francesca

Jeff B said...

I really shouldn't be laughing.

...I am of course though...

ScoMan said...

This blog reminds me what wonderful people mums are.

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

That sucks! When good cakes go bad.

CynthiaK said...

Oh, I hope you had a big glass of wine after all that!

Goodness. You're a brave brave soul for even broaching that challenge.

But, your story is great for laugh. When stuff like this happens to me, I always think "oh, that will be brilliant blog fodder" and all is right (nearly) in the world. :)

Michele said...

Wow, Kathy! You have so many comments I'd be surprised that you even notice mine! LOL

I'm still checking on my favorite blog list a few times a week, so I don't miss too much. It's mid-March, though - time for us slacker homeschooling moms to realize how much we wanted to get done but didn't - and there's only a scant 10 weeks left.

Re: the cake. Very, very ambitious. I think I recall one time for a Cub Scout Father/Son Cake Bake that my son wanted to make a twin towers tribute. I seem to recall it going fairly badly, come to think of it...

Oh well, life's all about learning, right? And that which does not kill us makes us stronger, right? I keep telling myself that....

Every time I read one of your over-the-top stories (like the one about the little girl's story about her organism, I wish I was your neighbor!

Grand Pooba said...

Nothing worse than a wasted cake! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

LilliGirl said...

I sooooo understand and my heart bleeds for you! I myself have done that on more than one occasion actually.