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Thursday, March 19, 2009

My kids are gifted!

It's really amazing. Every parent secretly thinks their child is gifted, but it's unusual to have four gifted kids in one family.

Usually, once I've revealed my children's talents, the questions start pouring in. The most common question I get is whether I had the children tested to confirm their "gift." There are 100 standardized tests from the CoGAT to the ITBS, but I recommend you test your kids at home. I, personally, find that my kids are tested almost every single day. Either that or the kids test me every single day. It's practically the same thing, right?

One of their gifts is sensing the EXACT moment that I stop working. I can fold laundry, scrub toilets, vacuum floors or do taxes. I can do these tasks and I won't see so much as a glimpse of my children, nor hear even a peep from their mouths. But the minute I'm finished... the second I plop my butt into my favorite chair... poof!... there they are... telling me that the entire roll of toilet paper fell into the toilet (after they already pooped), asking if they should flush it, asking whether it would be really bad if their gum fell out of their mouth while doing a handstand and subsequently got ground into the carpet (not that it happened but, you know, if it did), informing me that there is a four-legged creature in the pool, or wondering what's for dinner.

They also have a gift for mixing up the time on weekdays and weekends. All four of them can tell time. They all have clocks they can see clearly from their bed. So how is it that on weekdays it takes a stick of dynamite, a huge measure of patience, the bulk of my sense of humor and a fair number of threats to their physical well-being to get them out of bed at 7:15. On the other hand, at 7:00 AM on Saturday morning they are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and asking if Dad's going to make them pancakes.

Really, this is a double gift as it's also a gift for avoiding physical harm. Awaking early on the weekend and then dancing around the bed where mommy and daddy are trying to sleep and alternately singing the praises of pancakes, and beating on one another/fighting, is a sure fire way to get yourself wiped off the face of this earth. And yet they're all still here. This isn't really so much of a gift-- it's more like a miracle.

But their final gift, selective hearing, is the one that amazes me the most. They can't hear me ask them to unload the dishwasher, but when I'm sneaking into the pantry to raid the Girl Scout cookies? They're on me like white on rice. It starts innocently enough; the kids are outside playing on the trampoline and there's no way they could know what I'm up to. I start with one Thin Mint. Then, I have to sample a Samoa or two. But my oh my, those Thin Mints were sooo yummy... and before you know it half the box is gone. Just as I'm sneaking out of the pantry to bury the evidence of my naughtiness, there they are. There's not even time to wipe the crumbs from the corner of my mouth before they're lined up like the food police. Begging for their share. I'm convinced that with the slightest crinkle of a bag of chips or the muffled tearing of a new box of Girl Scout cookies my children are alerted and instantly teleported to scene of my crime. They're gifted I tell you, GIFTED!

I know it's irritating to listen to parents go on and on about how talented their kids are. But sometimes you have to acknowledge genius when you see it.

Bow down, people.

37 comments:

K said...

My son is similarlly gifted!

He wakes from his nap the exact moment that I stop being productive.

So few people appreciate these talents.

Megryansmom said...

It's a cross many of us must bear.

ps I DO have online banking, it's the physical driving of the bank on time that stumps me.

Tsquared417 said...

I am going to share that I ate a whole sleeve of Thin Mints last week...and they were delicious. I always blame it on my hubby. And they are so gifted, they always believe me!

Gibby said...

WHAT is it with kids knowing when you are sneaking a cookie? Perhaps my kids are slightly gifted as well, because from anywhere in our house, they can tell the difference between me sneaking a cookie or sneaking a carrot stick. HOW do they do that??

tlc said...

Yep, me too! Everytime I try to sneak some ice cream, my son appears out of nowhere, "poon" in hand. "I would like to eat some ice cream with YOU."

How do you say no that? Ice cream for lunch it is!

Becca said...

We have two out of these three gifts. I have to drag everyone but the baby out of bed for school. When I say drag I mean DRAG. On the weekends they are up and happily asking me questions while I am trying to sleep in for once. I just do not understand it.

As for the selective hearing my oldest could turn this gift into a profession. It was so bad at one point that I stepped back and asked myself, "can she hear me or is she just ignoring me?" So off to the Dr. we went. He said she is just ignoring me which made me wicked mad! Not only did I waste time and money to visit the Dr. but she is IGNORING ME!

Becca

PLease visit me at http://www.askbecca.com

Hillbilly Duhn said...

LOL!

My children are also gifted like this.

Mama Wheaton said...

We should start a school for these gifted kids because I have 5 of them myself and one more if you count "not-me" who always seems to escape getting in to trouble.

Mary K Brennan said...

Wow, those "gifts" must spread like that bug we were all suffering from last month. In fact, I think my husband is gifted too.
P.S.- Just finished catching up with your posts from this week. Leaving for Disney tomorrow. Hoping to write, but I may have to save those thoughts until I return back to town. Take care. We'll be returning March 30th. Tell those gifted children to leave their mother some Girl Scout Cookies!

Susie said...

If this is all true, my kids are gifted too:-)

4riddles said...

My kids definately share the "gift" of time. After many threats and bribes they now quietly go downstairs to watch TV until 8am on Saturday. (So sad that we think that is sleeping in now.)
The other gift my girls have is knowing the exact moment I pick up ANY phone in the house! Then the arguing and fighting starts.

sunnymom said...

Tooters must be on that gifted list. She has perfected the selective hearing part. She manages to get hurt or suddenly needs something right now everytime I get on the phone with my boss. Never fails she has to pee on the interstate in the middle of nowhere a 100 miles from the closest bathroom.

Daisigirl said...

Yeah, I don't get the getting up before dawn on the weekends thing. My kids also do a lot of the selective hearing thing too. I test them by saying things like, "Who wants some candy?" just be sure they haven't gone deaf. :0)

ck said...

Don't be jealous, but my girls know just when I'm about to close the bathroom door. They know that's just when they need to fall, pull hair and jump on the dog.

I know, I know, I'm a lucky lady.

forever folding laundry said...

My childrens' gifts is being completely quiet and well-behaved, but then being able to yell, fight, and need me immediately after I get on the phone. I'm so proud.

~Keri

~Thought's By Dena~ said...

well what do you know ALOT of us seem to have "gifted" kids!! hehe

Carina Gardner said...

Oooouu, you're kids are gifted! I find that mine become MORE gifted as they get older. Raiding for the Girl Scout Cookies...it's as if their supersonic hearing just evolved!

Grand Pooba said...

Wow! Did they inherent these gifts from their mother?

Kristina P. said...

I sort of hate you right now for mentioning GS Cookies. Boooo.

D said...

Bowing down. With a fig newton in hand. That is G's cookie of choice. There is no way in H#%& that I can have one without him on me for one.

Jamie said...

Hahahahaha all those times my much smarter older sister told me I had no talent. How wrong she was. how wrong she was.

blueviolet said...

Think back now. Did you do this to your own mother? This might be your comeuppance. 4 times over. :)

:) said...

Happy, happy news!! I always knew my kids were gifted and now I have the proof!!

Yaya said...

Lol! Cute post! Love the selective hearing bit!

angie said...

Amen, sister.

My kids are totally gifted too. Especially in the selective hearing area.

Isn't it wonderful having gifted children? :)

Jen said...

Hayden is showing signs of being gifted as well and the babies too especially that thing where they are playing nicely until I sit at the computer or pick up the phone. What is that?

Fiona said...

Thanks for the visit... this is hilarious! The girlscouts abandoned me this year - will surely effect the bottom line since I was surely their biggest sale. I have turned to Ben and Jerry. Those men are living in style because of moi!

Fiona said...

Thanks for the visit... this is hilarious! The girlscouts abandoned me this year - will surely effect the bottom line since I was surely their biggest sale. I have turned to Ben and Jerry. Those men are living in style because of moi!

resplendentlife said...

Well, my Jade has the incredible gift of hearing as well! As soon as I'm sneaking a snack, she's right there. Pair that with her incredible sense of smell....we actually call her the Nose. "What's that smell Mommy? It smells like you were eating chocolate." UGH!

Kate said...

I think I know your pain. Kids. They can always hear if there is something that they want but if I need help, well it is a different story.

Sturgmom said...

You are so fortunate to have children with such gifts. Mine just manage to steal all my nerves and stomp them every way but Sunday.

faemom said...

*bowing* One day they too will have gifted offspring that will make them feel the way you do as I am sure you made your mother feel.

LadyFi said...

My kids are also geniuses! Especially when it comes to getting up at 6 am on the weekends!!

ScoMan said...

You country should be paying you and your husband to reproduce, so they could use these little miracles for whatever purposes they might require them.

Vodka Mom said...

THAT was a fantastic post!!! I would love to copy that and put it in our teacher's lounge!

Jenny Penny said...

God, thanks for the perspective! I guess my husband's gifted, too, then? He somehow always knows exactly when to roll over in bed and make the can-we eyes, e.g., right after I've weighed and repulsed myself into thinking I should just start wearing a burka.

Christie-A Work In Progress said...

That was too funny...and BRILLIANTLY written! LOVED IT! My kids share some of those same talents...could they be kindred spirits?