You should really bring a coat

Can I just say that I am fed up with the cold weather? It's starting to seriously impact my life.

Yesterday was a busy day. I was at the school for a couple hours in the morning and the afternoon was scheduled to be an absolute zoo. I needed to pick up the girls from school, head straight to the rollerskating rink for a skating event with my Daisy Girl Scout troop, grab some dinner with the family, and then head downtown as a herd so that we could all watch two of my daughters perform in a production called Pieces of Gold.

The schedule was tight but doable as long as I stayed on schedule. Raise your hand if you think I was able to stay on schedule...Well, I guess you've gotten to know me better than I thought, but I have to say I'm a little disappointed that a few of you didn't have more confidence in me. And somebody needs to whack that guy in the front row upside the head. My posting gets long sometimes but there's no call for sleeping.

Back to the story...At our school if you want to pick your child up you have to wait in the carpool line. It's a long and complicated affair, but suffice it to say that if you are not lined up in your car 45 minutes prior to dismissal you will not get your child(ren) in a timely fashion. If you've got someplace you need to be? Forget it.

I managed to get to the school 15 minutes before dismissal so, clearly, the carpool line was not an option. Unfortunately, the carpool line clogs the only entry point into the school parking lot and there's no street parking. The design is stupidity incarnate.

So. What's a mom to do? Time to get creative. I pulled into the back parking lot where the buses pick up children. Parents aren't normally supposed to park back there, but the principal encouraged me to park back because I often volunteer towards the end of the day. Usually I'm there early enough that I don't run into an issue with the carpool line and I've never had a need to take him up on the offer. I quickly found a spot and dashed from the car, and I'm not kidding when I say that I dashed. It was cold yesterday, and I didn't have a coat. It isn't really that I forgot the coat, either. It's a snuggly 80 degrees in the car, the school is perpetually overheated, and it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to get into the school. Who needs to lug a stupid coat around, right?

I reached the back door in record time which is good news because I swear icicles had already started forming on the tip of my nose. The bad news is the door was locked. Fortunately there were four teachers just on the other side of the door. Unfortunately I motioned them to let me in and they mouthed through the glass that I needed to go around to the front. ((sigh))

It's 212 degrees below zero outside, I don't have on a coat, there's a perfectly good door staring me in the face, the school has a perimeter that I'm sure is close to a mile, and you want me to walk around to the front? Seriously? I'd consider it if they sent one of those Saint Bernard dogs with the whiskey flask tied around it's neck. At this point in the day, and with the prospect of a long evening ahead, whiskey shots were starting to sound appealing. But only in a medicinal capacity, of course.

I'm not proud of what I did next.

I made a desperate face and they cracked the door to hear my blathering. They were seriously not going to let me in! So I lied. I told them I left something in the first grade classroom and could they just let me in to grab it super-quick? It didn't work and it set into motion an entire chain of horrid events.

*They asked what I'd forgotten and told me they'd run and get it for me.

*I panicked. It must have been the fact that I was still standing out there freezing to death. My brain must have begun turning into a useless chunk of ice. Why else would I not just get down on my knees and beg for mercy?! In a fit of stupidity and desperation I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind -- my cell phone.

*The teacher went to find the cell phone. I knew she wouldn't find it, because it was perched happily in my hand bag. Right where it should be. Now she's got the teacher involved (we'll call her Mrs. SP -- short for sweetie-pie), and Mrs. SP is all concerned, and I feel like a giant jerk. How did I get myself into this horrible mess anyway?! This is why I don't lie. It ticks off the universe and, well, nothing productive ever happens afterwards. At this point I realize that a giant cosmic bullseye is painted on my butt. I'm just waiting for the arrow to find it.

*I'm now hopping around like a fool trying to keep from turning into a human ice sculpture. Mrs. SP tells the other teachers to let me in already and she tells me to come into the classroom and we'll use her phone to call my phone to see if we can find it. ACK! I am so busted. This is bad. I wonder if volunteers can get fired? This is definitely grounds for dismissal.

*Fortunately I was the one that got to dial the cell phone number into the teacher's phone and I conveniently dialed the wrong number.

*I then had to run to all the places I'd been in the school that day "pretending" to look for the cell phone so that I would look legit. By the time the whole charade had played out and I'd collected the kids we were late, which is what I was trying to avoid in the first place.

If only I'd worn a coat, I would've sprinted to the front and the story would've ended there.

Spring, where are you?

Author's note: I know the coat was not the problem. I am not in the habit of lying. This is going to provide a great story/lesson to my kids (when they're a little older and not interacting with Mrs. SP on a daily basis. At this point I don't think there's any point in admitting that I'm a lying bonehead) about everything from procrastinating to being on time to telling the truth and, of course, wearing the appropriate outerwear for inclement weather.