My husband has been out of town quite a bit lately. I'm not usually jumpy at night by myself, but lately... for some reason I've started double-checking the locks and making sure the alarm is set.
The other night was completely un-remarkable. I went to bed and was snuggled down under my cozy blankets in a deep, restful sleep... until I wasn't. I awoke slowly with the vague feeling that someone had been caressing my cheek. I smiled groggily for a moment until I remembered my husband wasn't home. And when the kids come into my room at night they're scared and their frantic footfalls sound like a herd of wildebeests stampeding across the hardwood floors. I instantly came fully awake as my neck began to tingle with that prickly feeling that someone was watching me.
I lay still as a corpse as I willed my eyes to adjust to the cold, inky darkness surrounding me. My bed no longer felt warm and safe, rather, I suddenly felt vulnerable and exposed. My mind began to race... why hadn't the alarm sounded... am I dreaming... if I'm dreaming then why do I have this oily, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach...
As my eyes slowly grew accustomed to the darkness I could see movement across the room by the armoire. My breath froze in my throat and my blood turned to ice as my senses exploded with the acute awareness of every sound around me: the thundering of my heart, the soft whoosh as the heater turned itself off, the change of my breathing as I willed myself to be calm, and the slight rustle as the form by the armoire shifted.
My thoughts were being spun by the panic that I could feel overtaking me. My mind flitted through options... the kids... dial 911... the alarm... the kids... And then, before I was even aware that I'd made a decision, I was ripping the blankets aside. I threw myself out of the bed and rolled across the floor in my best Jack Bauer impersonation. I scrambled to the alarm key pad, hit the light switch, spun to face the intruder, and simultaneously pressed my back into the panic button for all I was worth.
As the bright light assaulted my eyes I kept pressing spastically against the panic button as new waves of fear overcame me, but there was no alarm.
Seriously. And I'm not referring to the the dead plant and the pile o' crap. Nope, it's the balloons. The kids had tied air-filled balloons to a helium-filled balloon and were experimenting to see just how many air-balloons the helium balloon could "carry."
Last time I saw this tangled mess of balloons it was upstairs in the hallway. I'm guessing that the heater kicking on as a result of the cooler weather (remember I said I could hear the heater click off) somehow created a current and enabled the balloons to travel downstairs and into my room?! It must have been the ribbons caressing my face...
God, I'm an idiot! Thank goodness I was grinding my back into the wrong side of the alarm keypad. Can you imagine if I'd set off the alarm?! That would've called for a two-part blog for sure!!
This colossal example of stupidity
is why I had an extra glass of wine
there was no post yesterday.
I spent the day recovering.