I'm explaining the facts of life to my eldest daughter... I've reached the point where I'm telling her exactly how an egg is fertilized... my daughter is wearing a classic deer in the headlights expression with eyes as round as dinner plates and mouth slightly agape...
Daughter: "Mom... No!"
KathyB!: (Pauses as daughter tries to come to terms with data overload)
Daughter: You need to stop talking. Right. Now. I do not want to hear this.
KathyB!: But...
Daughter: (interrupts) Stop!! I think I know what you're going to say next... that the boy puts... in... (shudders.) That's sooo wrong. (starts giggling)
KathyB!: But....
Daughter: No more. I am way too young to be hearing stuff like this. (Puts hands over ears) What were you thinking?! (more giggling)
KathyB!: (says to self... well, I was thinking it would be a bummer if you freaked out like this in school)
Silence. Suddenly daughter goes pale as a sheet, and laughter dies.
Daughter: (speaking tentatively) Mom? You and dad didn't, you know... Did you??
Silence
Daughter: Oh, MOM! That's just... just... I am never letting anybody do that to me, that's for sure. (hysterical laughter now)
KathyB!: (does mental fist pump. Mission accomplished... Wait a second. How is it that a mental picture of me and hubby doing the horizontal bop is hysterically funny?! Pretty sure I should be insulted here...)
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
And her response was...
************************
On a completely different note, I've got some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that I've recently received three awards. Woo hoo!!!
The bad news is that awards stress me out. I feel like I have to put them with a good post so that people don't think, "Wow, what a bonehead! Why'd somebody go and give her dumb blog an award?!" So I'm sitting on 'em....
In the meantime you should check out the wonderful bloggers who gave me the awards:
Zeemaid -- She is funny and sharp and lovable, but with an edge. I have her on my blog list and I look forward to her posts. And did I mention she's a hoot?! I love her.
ScoMan -- I love the fact that there's some testosterone in our midst. And he seems to be from across the pond, so an international influence as well... Bonus!
The Adventures of Mommy Maestro -- AMM is an honest to goodness "real" writer! How cool is that?! Her writing is tight, and she's just a bit off (like me!) I really do love her blog : )
Eug -- She didn't actually give me an award, but she was doing a giveaway (which I don't usually enter because I never follow through on stuff) and I was supposed to link back... and I didn't (shocker. That's why I don't normally play). I think it's over now, but I really try to keep my word... Even when it's so out of date that it's irrelevant...
Posted by Kathy B! at 6:01 AM
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27 comments:
I had faith in you so I just waited you out. HeHe :-D So you are in. As the rules say I have the rest of 2009 to get you your goodies. But I am too keyed up about the giveaway to wait that long :-D I think you did already but just to be safe email me again with your addy so I can ship your goods. cassiekiestler@yahoo.com Glad the talk went well.
Haha, I'd love to be a fly on the wall during this talk!
Congrats on the awards.
Love the sex ed talk. I'm so not looking forward to that one in the future.
Your sex talk went much the way my mom's and mine went. I was 11 or 12. I swore then I'd never be doin the nasty and look at me now, I did it twice tee hee hee.
How funny that your daughter said she was way too young to be hearing stuff like this. Ha! I love that she thought you needed some parenting advice. "What were you thinking?"
The Talk must have been painful for both of you. You're a good mom!
Love how the talk went...hilarious! I'm going to check out the other bloggers...congrats on the awards!Toot that horn, sister!
Love the talk! Good job, Kathy B! Can you give the talk to my girls in a couple of years? By then you will have it down pat.
Congrats on the awards! I'm looking forward to checking out those blogs.
Congrats on the awards. On a different note I have not had this conversation with my 8 year old. How old is your daughter? Am I behind on the birds and the bees talk? I just feel like it is more a 12 year old talk then 8... Now I am totally stressing out about it! Oh no what to do! I have to ponder this one! Good for you for doing it though! I am not sure how the mental image will bode though!
Becca
Please visit me at http://www.askbecca.com
My niece reacted the same way when my sister told her. She absolutely REFUSED to hear it. LOL. Good job, Mom!
Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and for the kind words! Your blog is great and this story totally cracks me up.
Is it bad that when my mom spoke to me I cried because I thought it was totally gross that she and dad did THAT?! It was a really, really frightening thought for me at the time.
Hilarious story though and I know what you mean about the awards, although I don't get many anymore. I think that is because I forget to pass them on. Ugh.
I remember when I told my mom how it worked. Stacy had told me all about it during recess on the playground (yes, that really happens to people) and I thought she'd get a good laugh at what kids my age were saying.
She looked at me, nodded her head and told me that Stacy was right.
I would have run out of the room if I'd been able to move. I think I was in shock for the next half hour.
Jonny's Mommy... By the time my mother had gotten around to it all... it was too late... I hope I do a better job!
Becca
Please visit me at http://www.askbecca.com
That is so funny!!! I remember my mom saying to me "Don't look at me like that."
I was horrified just like your daughter.
Congrats on the awards and on the, you know, scarring of your daughter. :)
Haha! I was cracking up. Oh, I can't wait for that talk myself. Oh wait, yes I can! :)
But as a mom you can't ask for anything better than your daughter telling you she never wants to have sex, :)
Congrats on the awards... OMG, how mortifying!!! Sex ed. UGH
Glad she is freaked out a bit!!!
LOL
oh the birds and the bees talk....Happy happy joy joy..hehehe congrats on your awards that you are sitting on!!!
I do NOT look forward to that talk, but with my daughter being only 2 1/2, I have awhile to prepare, right? J. will have to do it MUCH sooner since the boys are older. I'm pretty sure I'll knowck it out of the park after learning from him. Yeah right...
You may not have thought this far ahead yet, but my scarring your daughter too much you might deny yourself the possibility of grandchildren. That would be a bummer.
And it wasn't so much the fornicating cows that got you over the line. If anything it was the fact you use the monopoly guys voice when scolding your children, I love that.
I had the exact same reaction when my mom told me!
You are too funny!
And I stopped giving out awards because of hurt feelings.
This is so funny. The blog I just read was about having the talk with your kid! Spring must be turning your minds to sex:)
You deserve all the awards you are given. I have been secretly reading your blog for a few weeks now. (Thanks to your comments on Kristina P's blog.) I have LOVED reading it.
Today's was the topper...I am so not ready for this "Talk"! I just had to comment and say "Thanks for the great posts!"
Not your average "Mommy Blog" like mine is. Yours is so much fun to read!
Congratulations on your award. Did they give you one called "Scared Daughter into Celibacy Award":-) Hee, hee, hee.
I still remember when I got 'the talk' from my mom. I had much the same reaction as your daughter. I think that you handled it beautifully and her end conclusion, well can you get her to sign a statement to that affect, no boy will do that to her. I think it may come in handy.
Your daughter's reaction and innocence is both refreshing and reassuring...maybe kids these days aren't as scary as I thought they were!
This is why I love you Kathy. You just make it fun!!!!
LOL Better you than me. On the sex talk that is. Oh, wait. I'll have to do it too one day. Damn. As for the sheer hilarity of parents doing it, my father would allude to such to have us kids run screaming out of the room to insure his total control of the tv.
Congrads on the awards; you totally deserve them.
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