It seems every third blogger I visit is going on vacation. In the spirit of spring break our family is taking a trip as well, but I'm hesitant to call it a vacation. Sure, there will be hotels, warm weather and a beach, but a vacation? In the world according to me a vacation implies an opportunity to get away -- a respite, or reprieve.
In anticipation of this, er, trip I am going to:
Return home to discover I need to purchase a new Kevlar safety vest before entering the laundry room (like how I said new? Kind of implies that I had one already). The laundry pile after vacation will be so large that if I enter unprotected I might be killed if the pile were to topple.
*Go grocery shopping and buy a truckload of crappy food that we don't normally eat and spend ridiculous amounts of time agonizing over the merits of happy kids versus the sugar buzz. Did I mention we're going to be driving for 12 hours? It's like some sort of sick human psychology project. Being trapped in a tin can whizzing along the highway at 70 mph for twelve... hours... straight... must be what the 7th circle of hell looks like. Exacerbating it by throwing in a bunch of slap-happy sugar buzzed kids is like grabbing the devil's own pitchfork and poking him in the butt with it. It's smart to think before you do these sorts of things!
Return home to discover that I did a fabulous job getting rid of
perishable food all food in general before we left and then set off on an epic groceryshoppingpalooza that will kill half a day without batting an eye. I would rather swallow Legos than go on this shopping trip because I know the minute I get home I'll discover I forgot at least two crucial items.
*Clean like a madwoman before we depart so we don't come home to a messy house. I will also tidy-up like a madwoman during the, er, trip because cramming 2 adults and 4 kids into the swanky hotel with tiny, hip rooms where dad's staying for his business trip is like trying to wrestle an elephant into a grocery bag.
Return home and wonder why I bothered with the pre-trip cleaning. The minute we step foot over the threshold there will be laundry and clothing and books and shoes and bathing suits.... everywhere. It will take hours - if not days - to get it right again, and that's without the kids' help. If I drag them into the unpacking it could take weeks. And in a move that defies logic and reasoning, I will discover the house is dusty and there's a dust bunny doing a happy dance in the corner.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm thrilled to be going, and I'm thankful we get to go at all. But I just don't think that vacation is the correct word on any level. There is a change of scenery and fun stuff to do, but there is no respite. As for getting away from it all... well, the trip actually creates more work and when you come home everything you didn't do while you were gone is waiting -- and then some.
I think deferral fits the scenario much better. Deferral implies you've put something off. It implies (to me) there's a potential penalty.
So, this year my family and I are going on deferral.
Much more honest and accurate than vacation, don't you think?