Come play in my world for awhile!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Exhibit 2

After I fell into the pool I dashed into the house and quickly changed out of my pajamas lest I turn into a human Popsicle. At this point in the story I was still blissfully unaware of the conspiracy unfolding around me, and the rest of the day played out uneventfully (except for the golf cart sledding, but I already told you about that).

The following morning the sun was shining, the snow was melting and the pool sweep was buzzing about doing it's job without any intervention on my behalf. Life was good.

The kids and I were having friends over for dinner that evening. Mid-afternoon I decided to take a pass through the house and make it sure was orderly enough for company. I entered the master bath to give it a quick check and, of course, I entered with a slide. You know what I mean... you've got socks on, you walk a little faster, throw your weight into it, and slide across your non-carpeted floor. And I know you do it too, so don't even think about rolling your eyes at me.

My enthusiastic slide had just about lost momentum when I unexpectedly hit a patch that was so slick that I almost lost my balance. Thank goodness this floor is travertine and not wood. I think the groove of the tile is the only thing that slowed me down. One of my daughters was in the process of getting out of the shower and watched me nearly fall. She started giggling, and then ducked her head back under the towel when she caught the look on my face. What in the heckity-heck was on the floor anyway? I didn't think too much of it as I grabbed one of the used towels, dampened it, and mopped at the area until I was convinced that the slippery stuff was gone.

A couple hours later I went to double-check the bathroom to be sure subsequent bathers hadn't carelessly thrown wet towels, bathing suits, or dirty clothes all over the place. Music was pumping happily and I was feeling particularly energetic so I rounded the corner at top speed and geared up for a big slide. You must know how this ends... I started my slide, hit another freakin' slippery spot, watched in horror as my feet flew level with my head, and then landed with a dull thud on the floor. Seriously? This has never happened before and now twice in one day?! As I sat rubbing the sore spot on my hip I could appreciate that something was clearly amiss but I'll be darned if I could figure out what.

Later that afternoon the final child was emerging from the shower and hollering for her sister. I was folding laundry nearby and I watched, almost in slow motion, as she came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, clutching a bottle of Suave Detangling Spray for Kids. The light was shining through the window at the perfect angle as she continued her rather loud conversation with her sister in the other room. She began to spray her hair. She sprayed A LOT (they've been doing swimming twice a week and their hair is already suffering the effects of the chlorine), and I could see the mist of the over-spray as it floated benignly towards the floor. I made a visual note of the spot in question, waited a bit, tested my hypothesis and, sure enough, slick as ice! I kid you not. Whatever conditioners are in that spray are slippery on the floor.


And so I offer Exhibit 2:

A normal person might blame their children for creating random slippery spots of death throughout the house. But in the world according to me my children are brilliant and beyond reproach and, frankly, perfect.

Therefore no other conclusion can be drawn. It is Suave Detangling Spray for Kids, in conjunction with the pool sweep and the universe, conspiring against me. The good news is that four days have passed since the last mishap. I'm assuming that by shining a spotlight on the brewing conspiracy in my household I have forced the evil forces underground. At least for the time being...

But keep your fingers crossed. This IS the world according to me, and strange things seem to happen here. I don't know how long I can keep the forces at bay...

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have the kids use the detangler in the shower instead of the bathroom.

Kathy B! said...

Hi Mom!

It's really meant to be used as you're brushing your hair. And it's normally not a problem because they usually don't walk around while spraying it (nipped that in the bud), and usually there are bath mats down in the bathroom (but I'd thrown in the laundry basket and then didn't get around to doing the laundry). I think those two reasons combined are why this hasn't happened before...

Gibby said...

I love that Anonymous is your mom and she is so matter of fact. At first I was like, wow, how mean, but then when I figured out who she was, I laughed because that is exactly something my mom would say. Hilarious!

As for your conspiracy theory, I agree. It has NOTHING to do with clumsiness or anything like THAT! Damn spray. We spray that stuff all the time and now I will know to be careful where I run, oops, I mean walk.

Be careful!!! It is a dangerous world out there!

Lana said...

Oh yes. I can very well relate. Only it's hairspray. And me. Can't even blame my kids for that one!!

faemom said...

Who knew that detanlger can subsitute for wax? The world is trying to get you; good job at calling it for what it is.

Michele said...

Don't have the kids use it in the shower!!! Can you imagine hitting such a slick patch on an already wet and slippery tub or shower floor???