Who's in charge around here anyway

My eight year old is is rarely difficult to deal with. I'm hoping this bodes well for the future... so it surprised me the other day when she addressed me with an undertone of... sass. Wanting Needing to nip this in the bud I immediately informed her that it was not okay for her to speak to me in that tone of voice. I spoke a little bit more sharply than I intended, and in an effort to diffuse the situation with a bit of levity I quickly morphed into one of my ridiculous-over-the-top-mommy-personas. I puffed out my chest and did my best impersonation of what I think the monopoly guy would sound like. I told her, "You're not the one in charge around here, missy. Oh no, no. Who is the boss around here anyway?"

My silly theatrics worked. She was smiling as I blustered around the kitchen. I started giving her a good tickle and questioned her again, "Who's the boss missy?" As my daughter shrieked with laughter she gasped out her answer............. "Obama."

Well, that wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for. He may be the leader of the free world but only I, KathyB!, control the world according to me. I let it go and vowed to work on defining the person(s) running our household.

Clearly I need a new tactic, but what? I decided to mull it over. You know how when you don't obsess over something the answer just - POOF! - appears? Well that's exactly what happened. Not two hours later I was sitting at my computer and found Rosario Dawson's (as told to the New York Times) account of how her mother disciplined her:

"My mom licked me - that was her punishment. If I was a little uppity or if I didn’t listen or if she wanted to get my attention, she’d lick the side of my face or under my armpit. My mom’s a six-foot-tall amazon and she’d say, ‘’You came out of my vagina and I own every part of you,’’ and she’d lick me like I was her wee pup and she was a lioness. It was humiliating and really intense. Very primal. It’s not spanking, but it definitely works."

Holy mother of wolves! That is some nasty stuff. When my children were babies I used to gum on their little chubby arms and legs. I even fell asleep while nursing and slobbered on their heads a couple times (okay, that actually happened a lot but I didn't do it on purpose). But I never licked them. I'm not even going to get in to the part about her armpits. Eww.

So given a choice between licking my children as a means to demonstrate my dominance and maintaining the status quo...?

This is me singing "Hail to the Chief."