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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Remind me why I do this again?

Today I was volunteering at the school. Normally I help the first graders with writing, but today the children were engrossed with preparations for Valentine's Day. Instead of helping the kids I was handed a mountainous stack of worksheets that needed to be put in proper order and collated. My thoughts on this? Dear Lord I've died and gone to hell. I'm assuming this is some sort of cosmic retribution for body checking my daughter over the weekend... sigh.

I took my mess over to a corner of the classroom to be far away from activity. The last thing I wanted was one of the kids buzzing through and causing me to start over again. I was engrossed in the task and working somewhat happily when the teacher approached and apologized for giving me such a crappy job. We chatted for a minute, and the teacher abruptly stopped mid-sentence. Apparently she'd just noticed that I'd been sitting on the linoleum for the last half hour and she quickly offered to clear table space for me so that I would be more comfortable.

In the midst of this conversation a student had sidled up to the teacher with a question. He waited patiently for a break in the conversation.

I insisted I was fine sitting on the floor, and that's when the little boy chose to jump in and say, "I think she'll be okay down there." The teacher turned and noted, in a somewhat surprised voice, that sitting on the hard, linoleum floor for a long time could get really uncomfortable. He looked at her with a serious, intent expression and said, "It's okay. Mrs. B'll be okay down there. She's got a nice cushion." The teacher and I both looked at where I was sitting, and looked back at the little boy with questions clearly written on our faces. There were no cushions on the floor, or anywhere else in the classroom for that matter. He looked from me to the teacher and then back again before he said, "Well, not big like your cushion teacher, but I think she'll be okay down there. It's not like she's all skinny and bony." We both must have been stunned into silence, and that probably unnerved him because he followed that little zinger with, "Oh man, was that bad manners? It's not like I said you have a big butt teacher. I said your cushion is big."

I've already had my wardrobe insulted. If those little monkeys go after my physique I might have to consider early retirement. I'm just not certain if it's considered retirement if I was only volunteering to start with.

14 comments:

Mama Wheaton said...

Um ok you left me speechless. It's to early to LOL here because everyone is asleep. otherwise I would be. Came over from SITS to wish you good morning.

Nocturnal Queen said...

LMBO! That's hilarious. I have more than enough "cushion" myself. :-\

Anonymous said...

LOL. Kids say the funniest things. Love Mom

Eudea-Mamia said...

I'm laughing! Because I can only imagine this little angel heard his father mentioning "mama's cushion."

I have to remind my darling husband of this when he gives me a love pat on the fanny - big eyes!!

Welcome to SiTS! We love cushions, big and small :-). Em

Leslie M said...

LOL! Think of how boring our world was before we had kids to provide us with entertainment options!

Gibby said...

I am laughing with you. Wait, are you laughing? If not, then I will stifle my giggles. That kid is hysterical! Out of the mouths of babes, eh? I highly suggest you wait around for recess and then go find that kid and teach him how to play soccer Kathy B! style! :)

K said...

At least "nice" is a lot better than "big".

I can't wait until my son can use real sentences.

BTW - Your blog is already all grown up. I check out a lot of the "new" blogs that join SITS and yours is one of the best I've come across.

Minxy Mimi said...

UH OH!!! Not a nice thing to hear, is it???

Debbie said...

I'm cracking up over here! And this is why volunteering in the classroom is a non-paid position - look at the wonderful perks. You will NEVER get the big-head if you spend you days in the classroom.

Tiffany said...

Oh, that's funny! Oh my!

AP said...

visiting from SITs to welcome you to the group.
and wow, kids, wow things that come out of their mouths

Nana said...

That is funny. I don't have a big butt, I have a big cushion. Yes, that sounds better.

Becca said...

This is too funny... You knwo because it was not me. Just for the record my cushion is way too big! I am sure that the next time you go into class the teacher will give you something much more fun. She has to be feeling badly about yesterday!

Becca

Please visit me at http://www.askbecca.com

faemom said...

LOL Ah first graders, how I miss working with them. I have a whole stack of papers of the different ways they saw me. No big butts though. But I often fly in them.