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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Hot Dog Surprise

This is part two of my volunteer hijinks from Friday. You know, the day the teachers left the building and left me in charge? There might be a part three and four, or I might save those stories for another week. I don't want to go overboard with this...


I'm sitting at the lunch table with a first grade class (not the same class from yesterday's post. I have twins remember so I get to do everything twice. Sometimes it feels like the movie Groundhog Day) and the kids are enjoying their lunches. Please don't infer that they were eating their lunches just because I said they were enjoying them. Let me explain:

I was having a conversation with my daughter and her friend while watching a little boy at the opposite end of the table. You know how it is when you can look at a kid and immediately tell that they're up to no good? Well, this particular child was just short of sprouting devil horns. From this point forward we'll refer to him as wiener boy.

As I sat half-listening to my daughter, wiener boy very meticulously loaded his hot dog with ketchup. He then removed the hot dog from the bun, and held it - almost resting it - on the shoulder of the boy sitting next to him. Let's refer to this child as friend of wiener boy, or FWB for short.

FWB is having some sort of deep conversation with the child to the other side of him, so he's turned away from wiener boy. He feels something on his shoulder... turns his head to look... and... whap... turns his face smack into the ketchup-y hot dog.

At this point my uncanny mommy radar is sounding a loud alarm and I'm struggling to disentangle myself from the lunch table so that I can get over to wiener boy because FWB has now removed his ketchup-y hot dog from the bun and is shaking it at wiener boy, who is also shaking his hot dog in return. Trust me when I say there was a lot of wiener shaking, ketchup was starting to fly and it needed to stop. As I approached, wiener boy must've gotten a good look at the expression on my face, because he started frantically trying to stuff the evidence down his throat.

As I raced to the other end of the table I had a brief moment to think about Darwin. And survival of the fittest. And whether I should let this questionable example of humanity choke on his hot dog rather than grow to maturity and pollute the gene pool with his DNA. Fortunately it was a short distance to the child and I got there: A) Before I got any farther with the Darwin theory, and B) Before the evidence was completely consumed.

I'm not sure why, but I took wiener boy's remaining hot dog. After briefly asessing the handful of yuck I'd acquired, and a conversation so ridiculous I can't quite remember exactly how it went, I finally surmised they had been playing a game called Hot Dog Surprise where you try to "surprise" the person next to you by unexpectedly whacking them in the face with your hot dog. I was skeptical, but several other children spoke enthusiastically about the game. I explained that there would be no more Hot Dog Surprise and I was getting ready to hand the hot dog back to wiener boy. I was sizing up the hot dog and wondering if it was worthy of eating given that I'd had my hand all over it. But then I remembered that he'd whacked his friend in the face with it.

I was in the process of handing the hot dog over when FWB said, "Hey Mrs. B. I bet my wiener is bigger than your wiener."

If you are looking for Wenda she left two clues FOR TODAY -- one in this post's comments and one in yesterday's comments :)

25 comments:

Megryansmom said...

Well I think he was correct LOL.....Hey I'm first, in my book, that's as good as a Wenda sighting.

Cairo Typ0 said...

Does this sort of thing always happen when you're left in charge? LOL I just wish that boys actually became more mature than this but they don't.

K said...

Oh my goodness - hot dog surprise sounds...intersting.

I really do appreciate the teachers a bit more after these posts. I'm not sure I have what it takes to teach first grade.

evenshine said...

I LOVE blog posts about weiner shaking. You are BRAVE, lady, for dealing with ketchup-covered weiner shakers.

Tsquared417 said...

Love it! That's first grade for you!! I have 2 in first grade too...I often feel like groundhogs day also!!

Heather said...

Oh, that's good stuff. I was picturing your face upon approaching Wiener Boy. I know that face. I use that face often.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Wenda has nothing but love for Kathy B! I was compelled to de-lurk and say how hilariously funny your story of cafeteria room mayhem was.

Must. read. more. Off to find part one of the story.

Thanks for the laughter!

-Wenda

forever folding laundry said...

Ah, first grade boys. Gotta love 'em!

I was just working in my son's 1st grade class yesterday & had to escort a boy to the restroom because he was too afraid to go alone since there was a worm in the doorway. A worm. *sigh*

Thanks for visiting my blog. Looks like Wenda has been giving you some love as well!

~Keri

Rachael said...

haha, i always seem to run into wenda!

just stopped by to thank you for commenting on my guest post over at tiffany's blog last week. thank you!

Gibby said...

Eeew, that is so gross! But HILARIOUS! If I was there I might have vomited. (I hate the smell of ketchup!) I am secretly glad that I don't really know what goes on in my daughter's cafeteria. She doesn't talk about it, either, so it must be bad.

DrewG said...

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Erin H said...

Very funny. Every time I have lunch at the school I feel like throwing up. Have you had the pleasure of having an awards assembly in there when they make the kids sit on THAT floor? I made poor Spence take a bath when we got home. YUCK.

Debbie said...

You outdid yourself telling this one. I was already howling when I got to the part about whose wiener was bigger.
First, I know that radar. I love it! And I simply must support Darwin at any opportunity.
And why do males start that bigger thing so early?

daisigirl said...

Loved your story! I could just picture it all going down! Funny!!

Nana said...

Hot Dog Surprise huh? Sounds like a casserole. Kids are so lame!
How did you reply to the weiner comment? With no reply probably.

ck said...

Wiener Boy will be all tough until he's grown and has to change a diaper. Suddenly he'll become meek, mild-manner Hot Dog Man who simply cannot handle "surprises."

lisalyn said...

I'm laughing but I know it's not funny! :)

Kids these days...I tell ya. :)

Zeemaid said...

okay.. I gotta share that with hubby. Weiner boy, FWB.... that's hysterical.

forever folding laundry said...

So glad you were able to indulge! Brownies are never a poor substitute for cheater toffee!

Thanks for following me! I'll definitely be back to your blog. I need to read about other first grade moms and their kids' stories. I'm not alone, right? Right...?

~Keri

Juls said...

LOL, LOL!!!! Are you kidding me...this is something that would so go down in my life... "alot of weinie shaking going on"...and "disentangling from the lunch table" had to be the 2 clenchers for me....LOL!

Brandy said...

LOL!! Not only is the post funny but I cannot even imagine what kind of searches will pull this post. LMAO!

Sorry it took me so long to get by...

Ink said...

Hilarious! And I just love the sound of Hot Dog Surprise...it's like a scary casserole. ;)

Btw, um, you are so popular with all the comments, lady! Look at you go!

Court said...

Too funny, how brave are you for helping out in a school, I just started a mentor program and believe me ONE is all I can handle!

faemom said...

Ah, first grade boys, what will they think of next? Isn't it amazing how they can shake the ground under your feet?

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