Come play in my world for awhile!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I'd like you all to meet Freaker

The other day I was driving the kids to school. Things were proceeding as they normally do: The girls were in the back bickering and nit-picking and generally doing their best to push me to the edge of my sanity before 8 AM, and I was forcing myself to breathe deeply and trying to calculate the odds on whether or not I'd be able to make it through summer break without duct-taping the kids' mouths shut.

Without warning and with nary a car in sight, I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car. When I returned the kids were completely and utterly still. The only audible sound was the chirp of the crickets and the occasional croak of a nearby frog. As I opened the car door I could see from the look on their faces that they were preparing for the mother-of-all-lectures. I really couldn't have planned this better if I tried. I mean, talk about shocking your kids into silence!

When the kids got home that afternoon I asked Hannah what she thought was was happening and she said, "Well, you know how you always tell us if we don't stop with all the fighting you are going to lose your mind? I thought that, well, this time we maybe went too far and you were just, like, going to freak out and run off into the woods or something."

I might have to try that sometime.

So, given Hannah's train of thought I'm sure she was floored when I hopped into the car and set this little guy on the console between the seats:




This poor, sweet, little turtle was literally trying to cross the road, and there was no way he was going to make it to the other side. He was about to become a turtle pancake.

There was no time to usher him safely to the woods as we were already running late for school, so I told the kids I'd find a safe place for him when I got home. The kids passed the turtle around for the rest of the trip and I reveled in the peace.

When we got to the school Emily took the turtle and unceremoniously plopped him into the car's cup holder. She proclaimed it the perfect turtle "car seat" and declared he would be comfy and safe there until I arrived home. The turtle was propped up on the back-end of it's shell, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't happy, so the minute Emily turned away I returned him to his spot on the console and headed for home.

I was about halfway home and singing my heart out to Boston's More Than A Feeling when something heavy fell into my lap. Having completely forgotten about the turtle I curiously glanced into my lap....

And nearly drove into oncoming traffic when I realized that I had a cranky turtle thrashing about on my thighs.

And since we shared such an intimate, life-or-death moment together I felt it only fitting that I give him a name.

I'd like you all to meet Freaker.

I named him as such because if he ever falls into a woman's lap again, I'm sure he'll freak 'er out, too.



And he's off to find another hapless victim.

And for my loyal readers? Those are the remains of Michelle Paul at the top of the picture.

63 comments:

3 Bay B Chicks said...

I am dying at the last line/last photo in this post. Seriously, you positioned Freaker next to Michelle Paul?

I am not sure that this bodes well for the little guy. Is this the B family cemetery that I am looking at? :)

-Francesca

Kristina P. said...

Who knew turtles were so adorable?!?!

Ink said...

I'm freakin' because Freaker is so freakin' cute! Loved this post...and you're so cool to have stopped and saved him. :)

the ungourmet said...

How come you get all the fun! I have never seen a turtle except in the zoo or a pet store. I want to find a turtle too! And I want to have him ride around in my cup holder!

passions and soapboxes said...

Alas poor Michele we new her well. I think you got lucky because freaker looks like a snapping turtle and they are more than cranky with that beak.

Laoch of Chicago said...

Nice looking turtle!

TKW said...

Awww, cool little Freaker dude! I'm with Ink--you are great for saving his little turtle self. I probably wouldn't have noticed and flattened the poor sucker.

FranticMommy said...

awww...he's so CUTE! This could spawn a series of Turtle Care Guides for you Kathy. I'd probably buy one cuz my 6 year old has been buggin me to bits for a turtle (he said he'd name his Bumpy). What DO turtles eat anyway?

peewee said...

That last pic!! Looks like freaker is freaking out cuz to me? that looks like a turtle cemetery!

Tammy Howard said...

My sister did exactly the same thing once...

♥ Braja said...

Nice to meet ya, Freaker.

Bit worried about the Michelle thing....

Cassie said...

Oh my he is such a cutie. Glad you saved him :o)

blueviolet said...

My son stopped the car in the middle of the road the other day to deliver a turtle to the other side too. His turtle kind of hissed at him though. A turtle with attitude, who knew?

The turtle in the lap thing...I would have wrecked my car for sure!

Kathy B! said...

Couple things:

I didn't put Freaker near Michelle! He went there on his own.

FM, We have turtles everywhere! Come to me and I'll load you up :)

Passions, he is NOT a snapper. I nabbed one of those a couple years ago and almost lost a toe.
Anyone confused about Michelle... she's a coconut!

No more emails from strangers concerned that I'm harboring human remains please. I'll link her name back to the story...

Tsquared417 said...

FREAKER!!! I love this story. :)

Pam said...

Bless your heart for saving Freaker from certain death. RIP Michelle Paul!

Hit 40 said...

Very cute! Good for you stopping for the turtle. Maybe, the science teacher would enjoy it for their classroom.

Tina said...

Oh I think I probably would have wrecked! Good job saving the turtle though!

Poor Michelle. *sob* May she rest in peace!

Megryansmom said...

Freaker was prolly doing a little freaking of his own, thinking he stumbled upon some crazed turltle killer with the remains of his ancestors in her yard. They're coconut shells little buddy, it's ok.

Lindy said...

I love that your kids thought you had lost your mind.

I almost thought you were pulling a "leave your kids on the side of the road and drive off" stunt, except backwards you know cause you were the one on the side of the road. :)

Suburban Turmoil said...

That's great! The turtle's actually cute, too. He's practically posing for your camera!

I love that your daughter thought you might have decided to run into the woods. CLASSIC. :)

LadyFi said...

Hilarious name, hilarious story... And oh, poor Michelle. Isn't it about time she had a decent burial?

zelzee said...

They thought you were losing your mind! How funny.......

I'll bet the girls love Freaker!
And Michelle Paul had a good life...............

Sapphire said...

Oh, that was too cute.
Michelle Paul...ashes to ashes, dust to dust!
Godspeed, Freaker!!!

Gibby said...

Michelle Paul looks so...empty. Poor thing. Hopefully Freaker has a better ending. KIDDING!

You are the sweetest to pick up that turtle. I would have just swerved or worse, not swerved at all. You rock, KB!

Juls said...

LOL. I think your daily activities are crazee fun. Now, I can't stop laughing because I read through all of the comments..poor Michelle Paul....What a good coconut baby she was.

Court said...

Go turtle power! We once stopped and rescued one. It was when we were dating and I was going to meet his family. Now that I think about it, me showing up on their doorstep with a turtle in my hands probably was a little odd.

Ginger said...

When you said his name is "freaker" I thought it was for a different reason..

Don't mind me, though. I teach high school. My thoughts are already predestined to go to the gutter since I constantly have to calculate how my verbage will be misinterpreted. (sigh)

Hey, I took crayons to my baby's doctor's appointment last week (as suggested by you), and it worked great! Thanks for the pointer! (Ooops. There goes my verbage again.)

Danielle said...

AWWWWWWW!!!!!!

for a different kind of girl said...

In the last photo, Freaker looks like he's rushing to the remains of Michelle Paul as though he has found His People!

We were on our way to church a couple weeks ago when we noticed a cluster of people surrounding a GIANT turtle in the grass near the road. It was so huge I swear it must have been prehistoric. Thankfully, it was already safely across the road for I'm not sure I could touch one like you so kindly did!

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

Dear God. Now I have to go read about Michelle Paul!

Where is the link?! :-)

That was probably the most exciting day like eva' for that turtle!

Good luck, Mr. Freaker!

angie said...

May you have a lovely life, Freaker. :)

Jenni Jiggety said...

Be free, Freaker...

Susie said...

Oh my gosh!! That is too funny!

beth said...

i so so so love that your girls thought that they had finally pushed you over the edge!!! i am starting that today.

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

I knew that was the remains at the top of the pic!

I can't get the visual out of my head now of you running off screaming into the woods! Of course, it is seen all the more clearly in my head since we just watched "Revolutionary Road" last night and there was a scene where Kate Winslett did exactly that... running off screaming like a crazy lady into the woods...

ANYWAY!

I've also had the duct tape idea lately. Thankfully I think we have run out, or else Reagan may find herself duct taped to her bed!

Riddle Girl said...

Thanks for the advice on how to quite a car of girls. Although I don't think I even need to bring back a turtle to get the effect!

I LOVE that you have hand sanitizer in the cup holder. My hubby thought I was silly putting one in each of our cars.

ck said...

Is it wrong that I noticed the hand sanitizer before the turtle? That, and how clean your minivan is...

Sandy said...

Wow, how great are you to stop and save that little guy? He's beautiful, different from the turtles we see around here. I would have done the same thing.

Jen said...

this is fabulous! I can't tell you hom many times I laughed out loud!

I almost did this same thing the other day when I saw a turtle trying to cross the road. But I can't stand the thought of touching it so I left it and said a little prayer instead.

The Blonde Duck said...

What happened to Michelle Paul?!?

I love his name.

Yaya said...

How cute! This is totally something I would have done too! Love that your kid thought you were just losing your mind. Lol! And the turtle car seat! And the name Freaker! Love it!

i am the diva said...

You're a hero!!

for the record, i may have to remember the "losing my mind" car thing for later in my mothering career.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

LMAO! We actually pull the slam the breaks of the car on when kids are screaming, bickering, spazzing in the car. Results are quick and swift. Especially when the car is headed sideways toward the side of the road, they are most likely thinking death is upon them....Maybe I aught to run into the woods, screaming like an insane person, I wonder if things will go better at home as well....Hmmmm.

As for Mr.Freaker, awesome. Hubs almost got ran over once cause I had him saving a turtle in the middle of the road. We didn't keep it though...

Stesha said...

Oh, Kathy B! We all know the real reason why you call him Freaker:)

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

Pop and Ice said...

Glad that Freaker survived to see another day! Did you all clean your hands after handling Freaker? Seems to me they carry some sort of disease or perhaps it's just the ones you buy in the store? Well, if you've got hand sanitizer in the car, all is well. I keep mine in my purse but that's just because my kids are older and my daughter already carries around her own 24/7 as well.

~Thought's By Dena~ said...

Im seriously still laughing at the thought of the look on everyones face when you slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car...and the Hannaha response to what she thought was going on...omg thats just too frikkin funny!!!!!

Young Mom/Wife said...

I love how you totally freaked your kids out into utter silence! And what your daughter Hannah said had me ROLLING! Glad you saved the turtle. =)

Undercover-Princess said...

My dog found a turtle in the yard...poor turtle. he thought it was a soccer ball. he loves soccer balls.

Poor, poor turtle.

faemom said...

Well, all you needed was another animal for the zoo.
And how many times do you think you could use "slamming on the breaks and jumping out of the car" to silence your children before they get over it?

Sturgmom said...

Are you keeping Freaker?

And I thought y'all buried Michelle.

Grand Pooba said...

Ok, Freaker is awesome...poor Michelle Paul I miss her dearly!

If only you could take her on just one more trip to the grocery store!

ahhh memories!

Lynnette Labelle said...

I LOVE turtles. I'm so glad you stopped for him. Thanks for sharing this.

Lynnette Labelle
http://lynnettelabelle.blogspot.com

Suburbia said...

Fantastic story, thank you:-) (found you at FFF's)

happeegrrrl@yahoo.com said...

So much good stuff in here KathyB!!

I laughed all the way through. I'm thinking I will try your tactic of stopping the car and see if it gets my kid to be quiet!!

Zeemaid said...

I actually laughed when Hannah said she you had finally lost it like you said and were going to run off into the woods or something. *LOL* Guess they do pay attention to what we say.

I absolutely love freaker. How cute is that. Great job stopping and rescuing him.

Ahh poor Michelle paul. ;)

Helene said...

You are incredibly sweet to rescue him....he owes his little life to you! I wonder what he thought of Michelle Paul....like, "Um, did a turtle used to live in that...?"

WhisperingWriter said...

How nice of you to rescue him. I don't mind turtles although they do seem to start to stink.

Michel said...

OOOH! that was totally sweet of you to stop and help him!!

I once hit a turtle when I was driving in VA - I didnt' evne see him. I still feel sick about it today.

However, I had to laugh that your kids thought you'd lost it. Who knew mental breakdown would be a good parenting tip.

Anonymous said...

It's just a turtle for crap's sake.

Meg said...

I went to the beach for two days and somehow I'm three posts behind.

Love the turtle.

Michele said...

Hey there, KathyB!

I have also come to a complete stop on a highway to rescue an Eastern Box Turtle that was moseying across. Stupid me, I incorrectly assumed that it was somebody's escaped pet. Back then I had NO IDEA that these things actually exist in the wild. (duhhhhh)

Hey - did you know that you are the #1 hottest blog on The Mom Blogs? Woot!

I posted something that I think is hilarious (aren't I always??) and I'd love to get it listed on there, but I can't remember how. Do you know?

Bee and Rose said...

Freaker...cackle cackle!!! I love it! He sure is cute!