Come play in my world for awhile!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Bikini body

I don't wear bikinis anymore. And it's only partially because the world would tremble in the face of the hotness that is KathyB!


Remember, this is the world according to me. I get to make the rules here. I'm allowed to pretend.


I was at our community pool yesterday standing in line to get a hot dog with my kids. One of the managers of the pool came out and was making small talk while we waited. As we chatted, a less-than-shapely woman walked by wearing less bathing suit than she needed to cover her curves. As I was making a mental note to ensure that all of my pieces and parts were adequately covered, the manager shook his head in disgust and said, "Well, that's sure not what I want to see when I step outside."

What?! I almost fell face-first into the baked beans. He did not just say that. At this point I did what I always do: Run in circles in my head trying to figure out if I really understood what was said and stand there like a fool with my eyes bugging out and mouth hanging slightly agape.

As I mechanically scooped food onto my child's plate, the manager continued on: "Really. You think they'd do something about that... It's disgusting."

At this point I'm working myself up to outraged and preparing to give him a good piece of my mind... And then I notice the hot dog and baked beans spilled all over the sidewalk... And the people walking by rather than taking a minute to help clean it up... And the fact that he's not even looking at the woman...

Can I just say thank God I run on a bit of a delay?! Can you imagine if I'd laid into him about having respect for women when he was talking about a plate of food on the ground?!

Based upon today's misinterpretation I'm trying to decide if I am:

A) Shallow and vain

B) Needing to focus completely on conversations to avoid making ridiculous leaps in logic

C) Feeling insecure in my bathing suit and projecting my insecurities into harmless conversation

D) Ever so slightly lost in my own little world.

E) Needing to change my name to CattyB! instead of KathyB!

I'm hoping it's a combination of B and D...

58 comments:

Cairo Typ0 said...

I would have assumed the same thing. Moreover, i would have said something because i have no filter that allows me to think before i speak.

You weren't being catty you were defending the rights and honor of women everywhere! :)

ScoMan said...

I know I have a HUGE problem with B.

I would be looking at or listening to something on the radio, and then, like you did, assume the person I'm talking to is talking about what I'm thinking about.

Tammy Howard said...

As a woman whose curves could never be contained by an average bathing suit, thanks for mentally coming to our defense (even while using us - I mean her - as a cautionary tale - which is a role I hate but have long accepted).

I was gonna take my kids to the pool today. I may rethink that...

ck said...

damn the pool.

K said...

Funny how you can misread things.

I have that problem all the time.

Megryansmom said...

Thank you for reminding me

a) I have no business wearing a bathing suit

and

b) I need to stay away from the community pool

Anonymous said...

It`s always good to think first unless someone is in danger. Love MOM Hello Gibby

Laoch of Chicago said...

The fact that you are sensitive and care about other people's feelings makes all the other answers moot.

Bee and Rose said...

Well now..I, for one, am glad to know that you would jump to my defense if I ever showed up at the community pool in a bikini...whew!

I have done this same thing and what saves me from making a huge fool of myself is the fact that I have menopause brain and can't remember why I'm irritated half the time...a blessing and a curse...sigh.....

♥ Braja said...

I guess if women were chaste we wouldn't need to write posts like this...

Yvonne said...

I will forever be working on b)

Lindy said...

At least you caught yourself before you laid on him a nasty case of word vomit.

I'm only somewhat comfortable in my bathing suit while lying down or standing up...the in-between stage causes me pure disdain.

WhisperingWriter said...

Oops!

I'd have thought he meant the same thing you did.

I think I would have been all, "EXCUSE me?" and then been embarrassed when I realized what he really meant.

Danielle said...

I have been faced with a similar situation. Going on a cruise and bathing suit shopping. Oh the hell of it all. They don't make shorts long enough for me to feel good. I just hope I am not "that girl" :)

~Thought's By Dena~ said...

I would of ended up thinking the same thing as you did...thank goodness thats NOT what he was talking about!!! Although I would have loved to hear about that in your blog!!! now I need to go work on my bod so Im not the one walking around with parts hanging out heheheh

Kristina P. said...

I love you.

beth said...

too funny! i hate bathing suits. they are really not fair at all.

the ungourmet said...

Now Kathy B, I asked you not to put that photos up of me in my bikini!

Maybe he's not the woman lovin' kind???

bernthis said...

Me, miss big mouth, is often shocked into silence when I hear stuff like that. But the come backs I come up with hours later are pure genius

CynthiaK said...

Yep. All about the B & D. Definitely.

And, for the record, I would have been thinking the same thing as you.

-CattyCrumb

Meg said...

Now see...I run a bit too fast and would have laid into him about it. Then felt like a major ass. I'd never go to the pool again.

Suzy said...

I'd have assumed the same thing and then stopped eating for 3 weeks.

Gibby said...

First I thought you had posted a pic of me without my consent, but upon looking closer I realized it was you. Damn, girl, you're looking GOOD! ;)

Back to reality, I always wonder why people can't just let it all hang out. I mean, who are we to judge anyone, right? I gotta go, need to go buy a cover-up...

Thanks for stopping by today, Anon Mom!

Hillbilly Duhn said...

We all do that from time to time I think...

This one time, (not at band camp) at the grocery store, we walked into the parking lot and I saw this beautiful gal walk by, feeling a little self concious myself, I looked at hubs. He was staring in that direction, and that day I had no filter, I kicked him in his shoe, he's like, what's that for, I said, for gawking at that chic while I was standing right here, he looked at me all confused and said, "Actually, I was checking out that car over yonder, damn it's sweet." And I looked, sure enough a hot rod all shiney and pretty was over there and he was still gawking at the car, not the chic...I felt pretty low.

Sturgmom said...

I'm so glad your mental filter was in the ON position!

But like my mom used to say, "Just because they MAKE IT in your size doesn't mean you should WEAR IT."
And that's sound advice right there.

countryfriedmama said...

I definitely would have been cleaning up a mess after giving in to diarrhea of the mouth. I am usually too frazzled to think before I speak these days.

And I just bought my first bathing suit with a SKIRT. I feel about 95 years old. I love summer. I hate walking around in a bathing suit.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I choose B and C- because I am the same way. I'd have already either have
D) Decked him
E) Been in tears.

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Holy smokes, Kathy B! This post is hilarious. Thank GOD you are not like me, because you know I would have ripped into this guy and then completely embarrassed.

Although option E made me laugh out loud, I share your opinion...a combination of B and D.

-Francesca

PS: When are we getting together? I am excited!

evenshine said...

I'd go with B. I, on the other hand, will be working on C.

Happy summer!!

Grand Pooba said...

Definately D, it's in the name of your blog, how could it not be D?

But really, that is like something you see in a sitcom! Oh how you make me laugh! Only you!

Hit 40 said...

I found a great tankani last year that has a pair of shorts for a bottom. No extra shaving now required!! Love it!

I think the brand was athletica. It was in a catalog by that name. Fits great. But...

I am still self conscious at the pool.

zelzee said...

I think many, many women are insecure in their bathing suits (c)....so, my immediate reaction would be he was talking about her.

Just another reason I gave up wearing bathing suits years ago.........

Hit 40 said...

Found it...

http://www.athleta.com/

Great suits :-)

msprimadonna67 said...

I don't think it was a ridiculous leap in logic at all. I would have made the same mistake, but luckily I must run on the same delay you do. There is a good reason we're built with that!

faemom said...

This is an example of why men are not allowed to talk in pronouns. Now if it were a woman talking, you would know exactly which disgusting thing she was talking about.
But I would have openned my mouth and said something foolish. :-)

Helene said...

I totally would've assumed the same thing!! No need to worry...you're not shallow at all!! But it probably would've helped if the guy had actually referred to the mess on the ground as what he found disgusting. Can you imagine this poor guy's wife? She's probably misunderstanding him all the time!

Cheffie-Mom said...

I can definitely relate to D!

peewee said...

I vote for E! Were we supposed to vote?

Not because I think you're catty...cuz it's damn funnY!!

The Blonde Duck said...

I would say F) Normal. I would have thought the same thing!

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

I think it would have been great if you would have told him off anyway! I would have loved to have seen his reaction!

for a different kind of girl said...

I'd have a blend of the same, with a healthy dose of C stirred in, too. It's rather exhausting sometimes the way they all fight each other!

sunnymom said...

My mouth tends to have a mind of its own and probably would have said something. I think of my postbaby body with its stretch marks as an honor. I had the honor of carrying my child and I have all the little reminders of that experience whether I want them or not so I guess I will make the best of it instead.

Missy said...

I don't know! I like D as an answer! I would have like to have seen that play out though! LOL

TentCamper said...

I don't think I know you well enough to say... D...but D...maybe D...you should always keep earplugs handy. Can't stop people from being mean.

That being said. I have to say that here in southern california...yes we have lots of sexy people to look at, but there are an equal amount of people who just should not wear what they do. I am no GQ guy and I try to wear stuff that is appropriate. I don't think a 300LB man should walk down the beach in a speedo...but they do. same for women.

Alicia @ boylerpf said...

Oh...what a scene! I would have definitely thought he was talking about the lady. I have a tendency to fall into A...I'm so vain you won't catch me in a bathing suit...bikini or otherwise!

Zeemaid said...

phew.. I would have thought the same thing... good thing you do have a little delay pattern going there... or you would have been eating those beans. *L*

Jen said...

I agree, B and D!

You know, you always make me laugh out loud!

happeegrrl said...

Are you sure you aren't secretly living in a sitcom!

Kristen said...

haha, that is hilarious! I am quite glad he wasn't talking about the lady because I probably would have said something about respect as well, haha. And how not everyone can have perfect bodies etc. But I just tend to be a little vocal, haha.

LadyFi said...

Ha ha! And yes - it's definitely a mix of B and D...

insider53 said...

You were mistaken, it happens. Be glad for the delay because if it had been me I would be calling you for bail money after I shoved that hot dog... well lets just say I would have a lot of explaining to do.

Juls said...

I've seen some pretty scary things at our community pool----but mostly as I'm walking by the mirror on the way out of the dressing room. I scream almost every time. :)

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

That is hilarious! I was laughing so hard at this one! Quietly because this is my time before my son wakes up and I didn't want to wake him too early...but still....I would have thought the same thing, I'm sure. :-) I'm in my own little world a lot too.

i am the diva said...

as i was reading this i was thinking: "Oh NO he DIDN'T!" so i guess i'm in the same boat?

on the other side of the coin, when i went to mexico with b-rad i wore a bikini (160lb plus...don't tell anyone) and it was awesome.

kristi said...

Thank God for bathing suits with skirts.

Just sayin'.

Tricia said...

LOL I dont think your any of those. Yah I live in a tankini with surf shorts for the good of all man kind

MiMi said...

I came here by way of Gibby's blog! Isn't it strange how you can run around in circles in blog world? Anyway, THIS.IS.HILARIOUS. I am a little, how would you say...FAT, and I NEVER wear stuff like that. In fact, I spare the world from that horrible sight by NEVER going to the freakin' pool. Anyway, so I totally indulge in the catty stuff in my head because hey, I am smart enough to not wear that stuff, so I figure I can be smug about it. CUTE POST!
Macey

Susie said...

That poor woman! She has delusions of grandeur! She thinks that she is hotter than she is. I suffer from this too so, I know.