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Monday, July 13, 2009

Mother Nature can bite me

I really try.

I recycle. I turn the water off when I brush my teeth. I use those stupid, curly, compact-fluorescent light bulbs that turn the colors of my home a strange off-shade of normal. I freeze in the winter and roast in the summer in the name of energy conservation. I'm pretty sure I do other things, too, but I'm too cranky right now to brainstorm. I don't really enjoy any of these things, but I do them because it's the right thing to do. So you'd think Mother Nature would want to reward me. You know, throw me a bone.


I have five blueberry bushes in the backyard.
The spring was promising and I'd hoped for a bountiful season.

This is what I got:


All because this guy:


came and ate all of the green berries before they got to turn blue

I struggled through the grief from the loss of my precious blueberry crop by focusing on the 67 luscious peaches ripening on my peach trees. Yes, I counted them. No, I didn't name them. I'm not a total nut case. Unfortunately, when I got home from Colorado last week I discovered

all of the peaches were gone.

Thanks, Mother Nature. I'm glad you didn't put yourself out on my account. I'll keep doin' what I'm doin' because I'm all about doing the right thing. I'm defective like that.

But Mother Nature? You and I are not talking.

Not until I get some fruit.

56 comments:

Laoch of Chicago said...

Who knew that fruit grew on trees?

ck said...

My, but what a lovely bushel of blueberry you harvested.

ScoMan said...

I think for all the good you've done you're entitled to chase one little bird away with a big stick.

Tammy Howard said...

Oh, that REALLY sucks...

jinksy said...

But look how kind you are being to the birds! They've probably alerted the bush telegraph about your largesse...

♥ Braja said...

Uh oh....could be a long cold winter ahead....
:)))

And yeah, duck....cos those birds? She's got them wired to shit on your head when you go to the clothesline now that you've slammed her online :)))))
lol.....

FranticMommy said...

Mother Nature sounds like she bein biotchy. Maybe she's pissed at Father Time.
Enjoy your blueberry. Just eat it reeaalll slow. :)

parentingBYdummies said...

Well that blows. Lucky for me I'm too lazy to even bother with planting stuff because then I'd have to tend to it and pick it and wash it... you know time consuming stuff that takes effort. No thanks. Although I did try one year and after sowing watermelon, squash, tomatoes, and hot peppers, know what I got? One stinking hot pepper that wasn't even hot. So, I'm over gardening. In yo' face Mother Nature!

Lindy said...

I threw in the "plant your own grub" towel a long time ago.

Me and nature....almost as bad as me and volunteering.

Kudos on your blueberry though. Looks like a keeper.

Suzanne (TheJoyfulChaos) said...

Thanks for stopping by my site!

And thank you especially for this early morning laugh! I SO understand. All of my tomato plants? Yielded 3 green tomatoes. Period.

I'll be back - thanks again!

Denise said...

Isn't that frustrating! Crotchety ole' Mother Nature and I are in a full blown battle over my tomatoes right now. Thank God those stupid birds don't like the cherry tomatoes!

Sandy said...

It's so NOT funny! We have a small orchard....3-4 apples, 2 pears, 2 plums. We also have grapes, raspberry & blueberry bushes and we get nothing but grapes and a few berries from any of them on a regular basis. I few years ago I put netting over the blues because I got tired of losing all to the birds. Well, I came out to find a dead bird hanging by his foot upside down under the netting....that did it for me! They can have the damned berries. The deer get the rest of our stuff. I feel for you!

Grant said...

If only you had a nice eco-friendly shotgun, you could have roast birdy with a side of blueberry compote.

Kristina P. said...

MARIO LOPEZ!!!

Lisa (Jonny's Mommy) said...

Oh no! You can't make blueberry muffins with one blasted blueberry! Hurry up, Mother Nature and give this woman some dang blueberries!

forever folding laundry said...

Argh! Those birds did the same thing to my blackberries last year. Short of throwing a net over my entire yard, I don't know what else to do. If your guilt trip on Mother Nature works, please let me know! I need to make a cobbler.

~Keri

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

Promise me that you won't stop being my friend when I tell you this... Promise? Okay...

We cut down half a dozen beautiful luscious fruit bearing trees when we moved into this house. Why? Because as much as I loved the thought of my own fruit in my backyard, I love my little 3.5 pound Yorkie even more. I was afraid that all of the raccoons that feasted on my fruit would one day decide to feast on my dog. Getting rid of the fruit trees got rid of the raccoons as well!

Debbie said...

I have a post about this same thing sitting in my drafts. Infuriating, isn't it?

Hillbilly Duhn said...

I know how you feel. My tomatoes, though they aren't blueberries or peaches, they won't turn red. Their just hangin out there, green and big. And my peas, they shriveled and died. My corn, also shriveld and died. WTF?

A bb gun works wonders for critters that won't stay away from things. Though don't pump it too much or you kill the critter.

Nana said...

Last year I had the same problem with deer. I bought some Cougar Urine (on line of course) It took care of the problem.

Now if I could just get rid of the Cougars mating out back things would be great!

TKW said...

At least the bird eating your blueberries is a gorgeous dude. I think cardinals are stunning and we don't have them in Colorado.

The assholes that eat my stuff are big black crows. Nasty!

But darling, you're doing it all wrong. Just decide, as I am doing next year, to nurture some lovely weed plants. You will get prodigious results and feel very successful.

Grand Pooba said...

Mother Nature is a B!

Danielle said...

I am proud of you for even trying to grow "things". Mother Nature and I have never seen eye to eye.

Cheffie-Mom said...

Tisk, tisk Mother Nature! But you do have a lovely blueberry!

Jen said...

well, thats just rude.

Hit 40 said...

I bet he ate all the blueberries then pooped the blue stuff on your deck. This is why I do not plant berry bushes.

for a different kind of girl said...

Sixty-seven peaches gone! I may have just wept a little thinking about all the peach crisps and such that went missing as a result of that.

This is yet another reason why one day, we should live under large domes. But only if those domes are constructed out of all the plastics we've recyled over the years!

Susie said...

I am also a frustrated gardener this year.

LadyFi said...

Noooooooooo! Don't tell me that tiny bird ate ALL the peaches? I don't believe it. I think he was in cahoots with a local gang of magpies...

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Mother Nature has not been my friend this year, either. And you'd think the birds would be thankful Princess Nagger insisted on a much larger bird feeder - which I secretly was thankful for, because maybe, just maybe, they'd leave my grapes and cherries alone - but noooo. Those little buggers are eating everything. I blame Mother Nature. :)

The Good Cook said...

Oh, I'll take birds absconding with my fruit any day. Last year I planted corn - had 76 ears (named them too) then a RAT PLatoon invaded. Yes, RATS... OMG. I nearly died of disgust. Seems I live too close to the river and my lovely silken, golden kernels attracted the varmints.

The Best Husband In The World beat two to death with a baseball bat - then I called an exterminator. No more rats and alas no more corn...

ps. Rabbits ate my lettuce.

faemom said...

Ok. Let's brainstorm.
You need a net for the bushes and/or trees.
You can hang cds that are suppose to scare off birds.
Or you can just get a b-b gun.

Lora said...

the birds ate all of my "crops' this year too. So maddening!

But I really came over to tell you that like your girls, I was a toilet wall booger wiper too. It would kill my mom, especially when we were trying to see the house and some of them took the paint off the wall!

makes me sick just to think about it.

also, this is so gross... we used to have bunk beds and I would wipe them on the ceiling.

ugh. I'm sorry. I don't know why I told you that. I guess so you know that you aren't the only mom who ever had to deal with that!

peewee said...

So, what happened to the peaches?!?!?!??! That was a VERY important chunk to leave out! I am sitting here worried. A hungry axe murderer? A bear? Did they die? did that same bird steal ALL of them for canning season???

The Blonde Duck said...

LOL! You're danged if you do, danged if you don't.

WhisperingWriter said...

Oh, I totally ate all your peaches.

I'm kidding obviously.

I'm sorry you didn't get your fruit though. I'd have been a little peeved too.

Zeemaid said...

awww that's a total bummer. I'd love to have had a bushel too. Next year.. cover your bushes with netting. It makes it harder for them to get in. We do that (or should I say my FIL does) for our strawberries and it works really well.

Sucks for this year though. ;(

Missy said...

You know that bird ate those green berries, got a tummy ache, and came to shit all over my car! LOl

LilliGirl said...

Next year? nets...shiny hanging things...a wind chime on the bush?

Per my cousins, if you don't have cougar urine an man's will do fine too. lol

I hope it was yummy...The only solution I've found is to check my bush and pick daily as my berries ripen. Good Luck!

Undercover-Princess said...

Sounds like Mother Nature is PMSing!!

Anonymous said...

I once, and only once, planted a few stalks of corn. I nurtured the corn and waited till each ear was plum and ripe for picking. On the fateful afternoon I went inside and put a large pot of water to boil. As it began to bubble I went out to pick my corn, only to discover that in the half hour since I came inside rabbits had knocked over the stalks aand nibbled on every single ear. That's why I don't have a garden any more, just three plants in those things that hang them upside down off the ground.

blueviolet said...

Do you know how much joy you can get from one blueberry? Neither do I but I suspect it's not much.

Next year???

the ungourmet said...

Well doesn't that just stink!

Hope your bread turned out! :0)

Kathy B! said...

The only good thing is that you all have given me lots of good tips for a more successful outcome next year... We'll see.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

I have no tips, but the one lonely berry does look blue-tiful. :)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

You have to admit, that is a berry-pretty berry though.

passions and soapboxes said...

My birds love the blueberries but I'm sorry your hopes were dashed.

Helene said...

Well, you could be like me and chop it into tiny pieces so everyone can have a bite. I have 2 strawberry plants and every time 1-2 strawberries start to pop up and turn red, the freakin birds come out of nowhere and steal them. The one time we were lucky enough to find a ripe strawberry on the plant, we each wanted to taste it so I cut it up into little tiny pieces and we enjoyed it that way.

Okay, yeah, not much to enjoy but it was something...LOL!

Millennium Housewife said...

Dear Kathy,
Sorry I've ruined your summer crop, I do it a lot, I'm perverse like that. Luckily I run it as a bit of a lottery so your chances of getting hit next year are slim to none. But you never know.
Until next year,
Mother Nature

Dee said...

Yikes! I have been wanting to grow blueberries, and now I am afraid...

Bee and Rose said...

It's a pretty blueberry:)

I know...Mother Nature sicks the javelinas on my flowers nightly...If you're forming a gang..I'm in...

Debrae64 said...

Oh, great...."not until I get some fruit...." Now, Mother Nature will probably make sure you get some "fruit." Pregnancy, anyone? ;-)

Debrae64 said...

Oh, great...."not until I get some fruit...." Now, Mother Nature will probably make sure you get some "fruit." Pregnancy, anyone? ;-)

Debrae64 said...

Oh, great...."not until I get some fruit...." Now, Mother Nature will probably make sure you get some "fruit." Pregnancy, anyone? ;-)

Yaya said...

Oh I would be so mad! You need to get a scarecrow. And some owl statues.

Nancy said...

I can relate. My son planted peppers, onions, strawberries, tomatoes and mint. We are now left with just mint.

The squirrels, racoons, deer and who knows what else at through everything else!