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Thursday, October 16, 2008

Dear Mr/Ms Fashion Designer,

I just put my jeans on for the first time of the season tonight. I hate my jeans. Scratch that. I hate long pants in general. I admit, I could lose a few pounds. 7 to be exact. I'm pretty sure those 7 pounds all currently reside around my waistline. In my defense, I crammed four kids into that waistline and it is just the tiniest bit stretched.

I'm willing to take ownership for my chub. But designers -- must you design for pre-pubescent, hipless women? Must trousers be designed to sit sooo low on the waist? I understand the emotional win of buying a smaller size. But when trousers sit too low on the waist the "muffin top" is allowed out of confinement. Most of us aren't built to wear these pants.

In baking, muffin cups are meant to hold the muffin together while it bakes. And a waistband is meant to hold on to your waist. Not your hips. If the waistband clings to the underside of the belly/hips then the "muffin top" has no choice but to spill over. Either that or your pants fall off. I suppose you could pull your pants up and cinch your belt tight into the middle of the muffin, but that would hurt. Let's just say there are alot of unconfined muffins running around.

So my choices are: 1) Super-trendy, super high waisted pants. But I don't have long legs and a flat tummy, so I can't go there. 2) Granny pants. The name says it all. 3) These pants. They are cut to fit around the "sweet spot" of my waist, but they are too big everywhere else. Still not a good look.

I am tired of the eternal quest for the perfect pants/trousers. I'm tired of wearing long sweaters and Spanx. I know the perfect pants exist because I have four pair of dated trousers that fit me perfectly. Shoot, a plastic surgeon could surely solve my problem. But some new pants would be soooo much less expensive.

There are legions of women like me running around in long sweaters. If you could just design some flattering pants I think you could make a fortune.


P.S. That is not me in the muffin picture above. While I do have a muffin top, I do not have a fatty flop! For that I need to eat another box of Oreos....


notarygirl said...

We can only hope that they will listen. Maybe you should start a petition! The pants aren't as bad as they were at one point, but still!