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Friday, August 7, 2009

Value

Yesterday it seemed as though every blog I visited was discussing the fact that it costs $221,000 to raise a child to age 17.

I have four kids.

That means, hypothetically, I'm out $900,000.

I spent the day listening to my eldest daughter moan about being bored. So that I could spend the afternoon in meetings. So that I could volunteer to do things that, most days, I don't want to do. So that I could glower at my children during the meetings as they giggled just a little too loudly. So that I could come home and have one of my children pitch a royal tantrum - directed at me - for something I had absolutely nothing to do with. So that I could send her to her room until dinner. And listen to her bemoan her tragic fate.

I got all that for $900,000. Yeah. I'm that good.

Then I did the math:

* 4 kids x 17 years = 68 years

* 7+7+9+11 (their current ages) = 34 years

* I'm basically 1/3 of the way through the specified years.

* 1/3 of $900,000 is $300,000.

That means I have $300,000 in equity

So I'm wondering...

Should I post them "for sale"
And hang this sign over the front door?
(Ignoring egregious grammatical errors, of course)

I have a lot of equity
I could be flexible on the price.

55 comments:

Hit 40 said...

I do not want to know what I have spent on my boys! I do know how long until I can kick their asses out!!!

♥ Braja said...

Umm....gee....kick their asses out? Wow...

Anyway, Kathy, I was going to say that I'd heard it was a million bucks...obviously the $217,000 you heard was for a low-rent kid :)) I think you'd better do your own math....I'd like to know if it's true, false, or somewhere in between...but I suppose it depends on your income, style of living, class of upbringing, etc.

parentingBYdummies said...

I thought about blogging this topic too but realized it would possibly make me depressed. To know that I'm shelling out that kinda cash to these bloody ingrates...To know that I'll be strapped for that many years to people who think I hate them, know they hate me, and are intent on proving they hate each other, grrrr! Gets me upset. Only thing to calm me is having them stumble into my room for a snuggle (preferably after 8am which happnes like never), that, and Twilight. Twilight is curing everything these days:)!

ck said...

So glad I stopped at two. My math skills are just about as depressing as the bill they're ringing up behind my back.

Staci Z said...

Oh no...I have 3 girls too. Is it too late to give them back?

A Mom on Spin said...

Woo, hoo! My kids are all past the age of 17!

Oh No! That stat couldn't have taken the cost of a college tuition into consideration, and I'm only a third of the way through that!

And. . .just so you know . . .the financial drain only gets BIGGER once they get their driver's licenses!!!

Yaya said...

Haha! Just think, hopefully they pick a good home for you when you're older!

Tammy Howard said...

Too much math - I'm on vacation. Where I'm what? Spending money on the kids...

Yaya said...

PS Thank you for visiting my guest post at Amy's!

The Good Cook said...

Oh come now... what would you spend all that money on if not for them?

Vacations, jewels, cars, homes, clothes, furs...

Wait a minute... what am I defending?

confused homemaker said...

You could just make them do hard labor to work it off, I'm considering it.

Lindy said...

What?!?!?!?

I'm off to have a nice little chat with MY Mom.

Cassie said...

Depending on the price I may be interested in one of them :o) Megan is always whinning that she wouldn't be "SO BORED" if she wasn't an only "why did I have to only have her" or maybe I could just sell her to you ? :o) either way cute post with way to much math...

TheKitchenWitch said...

There are days when I am so ready to cut my losses that I consider plopping them in a box with the sign: Free to Good (or even just okay, now that I think about it) Home.

Have a nice glass of wine, honey.

Kathy B! said...

@TheKitchenWitch:

No way I'm handing 'em out for free when I've already got 300k in equity!!

Ginger said...

When we were thinking about getting pregnant, we wanted to try and make sue we were financially ready. We crunched numbers, included the cost of child care and diapers and clothes and milk and furniture and hypotheticals and blah blah blah. No matter how we worked the math, we immediately understood that we - two viably employed citizens (teachers, no less) - would NEVER be able to afford kids and have a house and two cars and food and health care blah blah blah..

I won't get on a soapbox about what's wrong with this scenario except to say that it's RIDICULOUS, but I will say that we threw caution to the wind and said, "To hell with it!"

Dang.

:)

jk. The baby's worth every cent..er.. red credit line for it.

Ginger said...

When we were thinking about getting pregnant, we wanted to try and make sue we were financially ready. We crunched numbers, included the cost of child care and diapers and clothes and milk and furniture and hypotheticals and blah blah blah. No matter how we worked the math, we immediately understood that we - two viably employed citizens (teachers, no less) - would NEVER be able to afford kids and have a house and two cars and food and health care blah blah blah..

I won't get on a soapbox about what's wrong with this scenario except to say that it's RIDICULOUS, but I will say that we threw caution to the wind and said, "To hell with it!"

Dang.

:)

jk. The baby's worth every cent..er.. red credit line for it.

Susie said...

Sometimes we wish we could sell them, right?

Jane! said...

Keep in mind that if you didn't HAVE those kids you would probably just fritter that money away on foolish things like a masseuse named Thor, blender drinks with top-shelf vodka and designer jeans that didn't make your ass look like cats fighting in a burlap sack.
Not that YOUR ass looks like that. I was speaking hypothetically. About MY ass.

Smitty13 said...

Hey! I usually read your stuff on the Mom Blogs and I just figured out that there are posts "here" that haven't uploaded over "there."

Inneresting.

Riddle Girl said...

I just love your calculations. I will have to use your template to calculate my kids equity!

And I thought my kids were the only ones giggling inappropriately at meetings that I am attending for THEIR benefit.

Janell said...

That sign is making me cringe. But anyway, I'd like to know how the $221,000 breaks down - is this a frugal family we're talking about or a spendy family? (Is spendy a word? I guess not.)

I know the feeling of wanting someone else to just TAKE THEM OFF YOUR HANDS ALREADY, even if just for a little while! Love your sense of humor BTW.

Kristina P. said...

Believe me, I work with a lot of kids whose value depreciated once they became teenagers.

the ungourmet said...

Darn kids! Who do they think they are? They should be kissing our feet every single day for all that we do! But no, one little mention of towel folding or dishwasher unloading and it's whine, moan, and groan time. :0)

peewee said...

Ummmm...you forgot to factor in college. And unfortunately you don't get a return. IF EVER, until you're old and they have to take care of you. At which point they'll prob put you in a cheap retirement home because their memories are still fresh from being sent to their rooms!

This is why i
a/have dogs and
b/NEVER EVER want to know how much they cost me during their lifetime. EVER.

Meg said...

Just think, somewhere around the time you get $600K in equity, all 4 of them will be teenagers. Then the fun begins...arguments over clothes, boys, cell phones, all ending with "I hate you, you're ruining my life" and a door slam. Awesome.

Personally, I'd see if Bank of America can give you a line of credit on that equity and high-tail it to a small third world country. Three hundred thousand dollars will go a long way in Vietnam.

Grant said...

Don't ignore the overseas market. Pedophilia is big in Japan, so even with the weak Yen conversion you could still clean up. Remeber, I get a finder's fee for making this suggestion, unless you go to prison in which case I don't know you nor do I even speak English.

私はえい語がはなしてできません。

K said...

I think you just save these thoughts to use as guilt in your old age. Just start telling the girls now that you expect them to support you in your old age - it'll be better than a 401K.

MadMad said...

Wait, wait, wait! You forgot to add in childbirth (about $7,000 a pop) and college... (considerably more...) The survey didn't include those!

Laoch of Chicago said...

I have no thoughts about the economic calculus of child rearing.

I do have something to note about children and tantrums. Recently I was at a friend of mine's house who has a teen aged daughter who is difficult to say the least. While we were sitting outside (my friend and I) enjoying the sun her daughter came outside and threw a tantrum about something. My friend surprised me by beginning to weep inconsolably. I guess things had just built up on her and she cracked. The interesting thing was the reaction of the teenager who stopped her tantrum, stood open mouthed and dumbfounded for a moment. And then began crying to and begging her mother to stop.

Paging Doctor Mommy said...

Ryan (hubby) heard about this article on the radio yesterday and then came home and announced that we were NOT having any more children because they cost too much. That kind of an attitude surely doesn't help my itch!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Thank you - you've made me feel so much better about not having the ability to have more than one child. She's draining enough. ;)

And I laughed with Laoch's comment - I've done that before - started crying (on purpose) when the Princess Nagger is throwing a tantrum...it magically makes it stop. ;)

passions and soapboxes said...

The market is down so you better wait to get the best value on the dollar. Perhaps you could start a leasing program instead.

Grand Pooba said...

Better do it soon before the market plumits!

Bee and Rose said...

I think my kids have already cost me that and then some! lol!

naptimewriting said...

LOVE that you're ignoring the egregious grammatical errors. Because at that point, I'd go off on a tear about how I had to at least, before I sold them, teach them your vs. you're. And its vs. it's. And hell, by then, you're 600k in and nobody's gonna pay that price.
So good for your and your prudence/ Hope you get top dollar.

Court said...

I'm so depressed now. I'm 400k in the hole. Seven-long-teen years to go.

The Blonde Duck said...

Maybe you could put them to work!

ScoMan said...

Who knew kids were so expensive?

Maybe that is a good way to stop kid having sex. "Do you want to risk losing a quarter of a million dollars? No? Thought not"

Mary K Brennan said...

Ka-Ching! That's all I ever hear. I want, I need, I'll die without. As far as I can figure; they are already paid for.
Love them more every day, but seriously, you know you've had a bad day when you know the exact amount of days it is until your 4 year old will turn 18.

M-Cat said...

I can't even begin to think of the coin spent on my oldest. Therapy, therapy, rehab, therapy, 36 hours in a nut house........wedding, money loaned, child taken care of...... you name it, I paid it.

Still no change in him...... I demand a refund.

faemom said...

I have decided that I did not hear or read those numbers. I want to be blissfully unaware of the money I'm shelling out for kids who will one day yell "I hate you."

bernthis said...

kid or vacation, kid or new prada pantsuit with matching BOAT....hmmmm....

Helene said...

Looking at that figure...my goodness, I feel like I wanna puke. I love the whole equity idea....maybe if we combine our kids we could do a Buy 4, Get 4 Free (including 3 sets of twins).

Unknown Mami said...

I don't know with the way the economy is today I'm not sure you would have many takers.

Anonymous said...

You should be careful saying stuff like that. It really is not funny.

countryfriedmama said...

I heard something on the radio the other day about how DINKS (double-income-no-kids) are the only people left in this country with disposable income. Sounds about right.

Kristen said...

haha this makes me laugh :)

Debbie said...

As you know, I have the same number as you. I try not to do the math. Heaven knows, I don't have that kind of money!

Missy said...

Yep! I am broke out of the gate! You have an excellent idea about selling the children! But, I don't think I could make a profit!

LadyFi said...

Ah, but those tantrums are so worth the money!

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

I try not to think numbers.

Numbers made me sick.

that's why I went into writing as a career.

Suzy said...

I see a Craig's list ad in your future.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

Yes, but then who would poke you and laugh when you are too old to do anything about it?

Zeemaid said...

*L* it's a good thing they don't tell us how expensive it is ahead of time... or wait maybe they do and I just wasn't listening.. those darn rose colored glasses...

I don't have that much equity yet... some days I'd be happy with "free to good home" *L*