Yesterday I gave you some background on our pool and it's magnet-like ability to attract frogs and snakes. I really needed you to appreciate my state of mind when I approach the pool and contemplate peeking into the skimmer basket. The vast majority of the time I pop it open and find only cute little frogs. But every once in awhile, when I start to feel complacent....
I was standing by the pool preparing to check the skimmer basket . I was alternating between saying little prayers that it would be empty and berating myself for being such a big wuss. DH was out of town, and he was going to be gone for a solid seven days. Sometimes I just ignore stuff while he's gone, but not for a whole week. I sighed in resignation and had just hunched over and pulled the lid off the skimmer basket when I noticed a long, black tail sticking out and floating in the pool. I gave a muffled shriek of dismay and dropped the lid to the ground with a loud bang.
Inside the basket, swimming against the downward swirl of the water, was a long, black snake.
I took a moment to ponder the fact that this sort of crap happens almost exclusively when my husband is out of town. I figured I had two choices: I could leave the snake there swimming futilely against the current to eventually drown. Or I could grab the pool net and try to fish him out.
I'm a lot of things, but heartless isn't one of them. And besides it wasn't a poisonous snake, so what could go wrong? I grabbed the net and gingerly tried to lift the snake from the skimmer. It worked, but it worked a little too well. The snake new exactly what to do, and when presented with the net's pole he he wound himself rapidly around the handle and began worming his way towards me at lightning speed. I froze momentarily in total panic, but there's nothing like the prospect of a snake crawling up your arm to
make you wet your pants jolt you into action.
I try to act like an adult most of the time, but every once in awhile the veneer cracks and I morph into, I don't know, it's like a cartoon character version of myself. So I screamed, and trust me when I say that I can put a B-list actress in a cheesy slasher flick to shame with my vocal talents. And then I hucked the snake and the pool net as far away from me as I possibly could. Except it didn't go very far. The whole lot of it -- the snake and the net -- ended up in the pool.
In addition to trying to act like an adult I also try to be a good role model. Not that day. There was a blue cloud of profanity hanging over my head by that point. I think I might have invented a few new cuss words. Sailors the world over were proud. I finally got the net back using my legs (hello! legs in the pool with swimming snake! I should really get a medal here) and a swim noodle. I tried the snake removal again, and it was like deja vu. The snake came up the pole, I screamed like a girl, I hucked the whole mess like a javelin, again, for all I was worth...
I hurled some more creative profanity at the snake