Come play in my world for awhile!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Why is it?

I had 12 L-O-N-G hours to ponder life on our trip home yesterday,
and the question I kept coming back to?

Why is it...

...that the cars in my lane are creeping along at a snail's pace while the cars in the lane next to mine are flying by at 90 m.p.h.? And why is it that if I switch lanes the new lane will come to a grinding halt?


...that at the end of a normal day I'll be bursting with fun stories and tidbits to share with my hubby over a glass of wine in the evening. Sometimes before I fall asleep I'll think of just one more thing I wanted to say. I know inside his head there are moments when he's screaming, "for-the-love-of-God, woman! Shut... UP!" So why, after two short hours in the car, am I out of stuff to talk about? I can talk 'til your ears bleed. How could this happen?!


...that kids announce they have to go potty at the exact moment you are whizzing (pun completely intended. And yes, I am that good) past the exit for the Rest Stop that you know has sparkling, clean pottys. And for that matter, why is it there are roughly 347,931 well-maintained and clean restrooms between Wake Forest, NC and Jupiter, FL, and we manage to hit the 5 that are Superfund toxic waste sites?






...that the little bottles of shampoo, conditioner and body lotion they give you at hotels look exactly the same? And why did I end up with body lotion in my hair and conditioner on my legs? The oddest thing is that my hair looked pretty good that night. My legs were a different story. Kinda gummy.

...that my daughter is asking me if playing hooky is what hookers do? Took me a moment to get my head around that one. And where did she hear about hookers in the first place?



...that synchronizing the bladder function of 6 Belinskis is as complicated as facilitating world peace? Both have been tried ad nauseam, neither has actually been accomplished.


...that there comes an infernal stench from outside the the minivan at the exact moment we pass a billboard imploring us to breathe deeply of the fresh, local air? Um, yeah. Thanks. That's at least a hundred brain cells that I'm not getting back.

...that 12 hours in the car makes me feel really close to my family (and I truly mean that) even though there isn't a lot of deep conversation. In five years will they still want to be trapped in this tin can with me?

...that they have to put billboards like this
all over the interstate. I mean seriously, if you're not gettin' any at home maybe you should step away from the girlie spots, stop tweakin' your twinkie, and get a clue. Enough said.




...that I can't do a back handspring anymore, but I can contort myself into a shape that's a fraction of my regular size, crawl over 2 rows of seats in a car roaring down the freeway at 70+ m.p.h. while clutching my Diet Coke, a notebook, and a Nintendo DS, and make it safely to the rear of the bus without getting tangled in any cords from the DVD players or spilling a single drop of the nectar of the gods my Diet Coke? And for the record, I had to go over those DVD players, folks and there's only about 2 feet of clearance. I deserve a spot in the record books for that little maneuver.

...that I'm so into this blog post I'm unbuckled and turned turned around backwards trying to take a picture of the inside of the van?

...that at least once per day every day of vacation I wished that it would never end, and yet the moment I walk through our front door there's no place in the world I'd rather be?

It's good to be home.

56 comments:

Hit 40 said...

I think the men like all of our talking - secretly. This is why they married us to entertain them. My husband is also quiet. He seems sad when I am out of words on our car trips. Or, maybe he also just wants me to shut up? They also know better than to give us the straight answer.

Tsquared417 said...

I love it. Great post as always! I hope you had a safe trip home and had a wonderful trip!

Juls said...

....great ponderings...
Glad you had fun, and glad your home..back to the ole' bump & grind... no pun intended.

ymK said...

welcome back to blogging world. I know u still posted on vacation, but we still missed your regular posts :)

Sturgmom said...

Avoiding the lotion/shampoo/conditioner mix-up is one of the trickiest pusuits known to man. I think they make them identical just to trip us up. So far, I'm at 100%, but pride goeth before the fall. On the bright side, at least your leg hairs are soft. :) Glad you made it home safely!

Donnetta said...

Tweakin' your twinkie - LOVE IT!!!

Yep - it NEVER fails someone has to potty at the nastiest place around - probably where the twinkies were being tweaked!!

Semi-Slacker Mom said...

Did you take that picture of the nudey bar billboard in GA?

And I'm glad my car is not the only one that looks like that when traveling!

i am the diva said...

hooray! welcome home!

bernthis said...

Oh God, I cannot say, "yes, yes, I get it" enough times here. I love the part about not being able to do the back handspring but you can contort yourself into that tiny former thing of you past self and climb all over everything....

oh and yes, Diet Coke, IS the nectar of the Gods.

tlc said...

I hear you about the talking hubby's ear off...until the opportnity to talk at length arises and you run out of things to say. I'm totally there with you.

Hilarious post as always!

zelzee said...

Hookers playing hookey!

Can't wait to see that essay "What I did on my spring Vacation"!

Welcome back, and you and Dorothy are right.......there is NO PLACE like home!

Anonymous said...

There`s no place like home. Glad u`re all back safe and mostly sound. Love MOM. Hello Gibby

Daisigirl said...

I really wish we could do lunch sometime! I can't afford the plane ticket though, and after reading about your road trip, I sure as heck fire ain't doin' that! I loved the lotion/shampoo mix up! Glad you made it home in one piece! :0)

Gibby said...

There's something about the phrase "six Belinskis" that is so cute. I don't know why.

I totally feel you...we are heading to Ohio this weekend, a 6 hour drive. I am DREADING it. I am sure I will think of this post somewhere in the middle of Indiana when we pass that really gross bathroom that I try to avoid at all costs. And as for the stench in the car? Add an 80 lb black lab to the mix and you've got something other than roses!

Glad you are back!

Hello Anon Mom!

kristi said...

Gotta love road trips! We have one coming up in June....I am excited but dreading it all in one!

Ronnica said...

The hooky/hooker things...that's amazing how kids connect things that we never thought of before...and I'd love to have heard your answer!

LadyFi said...

Love this post!

So, it's your fault the other lanes always go faster... Mm.. your power reaches across oceans, it seems!

As for blogging in the car - that's dedication!

Mary K Brennan said...

Sorry Kathy B. that was our van in front of you. (Hubby was driving).

Megryansmom said...

Welcome home! I'm always caught in that dreaded slow lane you speak of.

Hillbilly Duhn said...

Welcome home!

And I have a question for you, but would like to email it to you, yet I hadn't found one on your blog to do just that...How does one contact you other then leave a comment??

I'm writing a story, and wanted to know if you'd like to take part in it.

blueviolet said...

Ahhhh, welcome home!I know exactly about the bittersweet feelings of being away.

I actually do love road trips. What you said about closeness is so completely true.

You blogged on the ride home. You are my idol.

ck said...

Here's to wishing you quick unpacking, cooperative laundry and help with the grocery shopping!

Susie said...

Welcome back! Sounds like you had the exact same trip we take every other year to Kansas for a family reunion. As frustrating as it can be at times, I love every minute of our time together:-)

K said...

Welcome home!

The fact you blogged on vacation earns you a few medals in my book.

I'm pretty sure my husband secretly wishes I talked less. At least he's too nice to say it to my face.

parentingBYdummies said...

Welcome back! Now, why is it that you can go on a thousand mile trip and have a good time (by the looks of things, at least), while I can't even go on an overnighter to Mimi's house without a meltdown, a flat, and a fist fight? I suck, but at least you've shown me there is light at the end of our narrow, dimly lit tunnel if I get my act together:)

Kristina P. said...

Excellent questions.

I once saw a billboard for a hotel, and their main selling point was that they had awesome shower heads. Really?

Jen said...

Man what a trip! The road is open for one thing, asking questions.

The Blonde Duck said...

You just talked me out of going on a 17 hour road trip with my folks!

countryfriedmama said...

You know, I was so eager to get Miss D. potty trained, and now that she is doing so well, I am terrified to go on a road trip for all the reasons you mentioned in your post. Public bathrooms + pre-school curiosity = gross.

Welcome home.

Riddle Girl said...

Welcome home!
Now you have all the "vacation" laundry to do! That is all I dread about getting home from a trip. Otherwise, even if I have had the most relaxing trip ever, I love getting back to my HOME.

Zeemaid said...

I love your "why is it"s. I've contemplated a few of those. We could probably do a whole day of those.

Welcome home and happy unpacking. My least favourite chore :(

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

I loved car trips with my parents, from early childhood all the way through my late teens. Then we just kind of stopped taking them.

I hope to take my kids on lots of fun treks around the country! But maybe we'll bring a porta-potty : 0

Missy said...

Great post! I can relate to all of these! When you find the answers, please share!

Ginger said...

Road trips bring out the crazy in me, especially when, say, my husband locks the keys in the car at MacDonalds, on a holiday, two hundred miles from home.. for example.

It turns out I have plenty to say on those types of trips..

Hey Sanity, buh bye!

Good on ya for surviving the trip and actually enjoying the journey!

ScoMan said...

Whilst you may have memories of hookers playing hookie and the frustration of your slow moving lane and the tales of the toxic potty's at the end of your trip, home is always the place to be.

WhisperingWriter said...

Welcome home!

That Adult Toys sign made me giggle.

My husband complains that I don't talk enough to him in the car. It's just, the kids are finally strapped in which means I can READ! Well, until they get bored. But I can get at least get fifteen minutes of reading time in before one of the kids announces that they have nothing to do. My husband thinks I should spend that time talking to him. Oops.

Minxy Mimi said...

Welcome home!!! Its good to have you back. Altho I will miss these wonderful vacation posts! They are so enlightening!

Stesha said...

Why ask why?

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha

insider53 said...

Welcome back. My husband loves for me to talk to him at bedtime...puts him right to sleep, better than a sleeping pill..he says. He tells me it's because my voice is so soothing. What a load huh.lol

happeegrrrl@yahoo.com said...

If blogging doesn't work out for you it sounds as though you could start a second career as a contortionist!! No way I'd have gotten my big butt over those seats!!!

Eve said...

Great post-I love your blog. I will be sure to follow your blog and stay on top of your adventures!

Ink said...

These are all great, KB. I have the same magical power to slow a car lane by moving into it. Tee hee!

Yaya said...

These are too funny! Love it! The lane change, yes!
Hooky...hahaha!
lotion in your hair-hilarious!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Welcome home! I can relate to absolutely everything on your list...and will be relating to them on our 18 hour road trip to Louisiana this summer... ;)

for a different kind of girl said...

Glad you made it home safely. There should totally be a Mom Merit Badge we can wear on a pretty diamond necklace after a journey such as that you just had on the open road!

Always Home and Uncool said...

I think that hotel conditioner bottles should be one color (say red), shampoo another and lotion a third. I've shampooed myself with hand lotion a few times.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

"tweakin your twinkie" I am rolling. And I'm going to use it next time I have the opportunity... which might be years from now. Ah, well.

Thanks for stopping by my blog today and leaving such a nice comment.

Undercover-Princess said...

Woman, I hope for the love of life you were using a smart phone to post that while taking a picture... :)

We are glad you are home, too. I deal with the grinding to a halt every day on my 32 mile drive to work.

Diet Coke isn't nectar. It's rat poison!

My husband has no problem saying, "For the love of cheese woman! Be quiet!" LOL It is rare that he says it...he talks more than ME!

forever folding laundry said...

Don't you find that you usually need a vacation from your vacation once you're home? They're rarely refreshing...at least for me, anyway.

Glad you had a nice trip!

~Keri

Helene said...

"Tweaking your twinkie"....I love that! I'm gonna have to borrow that (I won't tell you why though..heehee)

I'm the same exact way about vacations. I never want them to end but the minute I'm home, I'm SOOOO happy (esp to sleep in my own bed!)

Shawn said...

Awww...I'm so glad you are back. But now you need to pack up and head to Kansas cause I'm convinced that you and I would be BFF before we got the bottom of our first glass of wine!

Nana said...

Those are some of lifes greatest questions I think.

My dad just made my brother pee into a cup while on the freeway.
He then threw the cup out of his window, said pee came back into my brothers window and splat he got it right back in his face. Good times.

Glad you had fun!

MadMad said...

Great post! Too, too true! But also, why is it, that real life laundry can't take a break while vacation laundry recovers from the trip? Welcome home - may re-entry go smoothly!

Kate said...

Great post. I sure love vacations but there is never anything like home. When I know the vacation is over and that is it I am always so anxious to get home. I hope you had a great time.

peewee said...

Hey. Your car looks like heaven for a roadtripper! Can you come pick me up around the 13th and drive me to NYC. Don't forget those dvd players! thanks!

faemom said...

It's great to know that my son will never grow out of the "i need to go potty NOW" as we're passing a rest stop. Unfortunately now we have to pull over NOW! And why did you need to get in the very back seat?